DR. WALLACE: I just turned 15, and even though I got some nice gifts in a manner that I am used to, this particular year came with a side discussion that I wasn't expecting at all.

I'm the eldest of three siblings, and there's an eight-year age gap between me and my younger brother, who is the middle child.

My parents took the opportunity on my birthday to tell me the shocking news that I was adopted! I truly had no idea, and because my father works in a sales job, we've moved several times over the past years and lived in four different homes in four different communities. Perhaps for this reason, we haven't spent a lot of time with our relatives, and therefore nobody has ever said anything to me about being adopted.

The good news is that my parents are wonderful; they sat down and explained this to me quite carefully and in a very encouraging way. My question to you is, what do you think is the optimal age for parents to tell one or more of their children that they were adopted? In my case, I was adopted as a baby, so I never knew any better. Obviously, if a child is adopted at an older age, they're probably going to know that they are adopted. But this was not the case in my instance. — This News was Shocking, via email

THIS NEWS WAS SHOCKING: There is no specific age in which parents should tell an adopted child of their adoption, especially when the adoption occurred as an infant. Your parents obviously decided in advance to wait until you turned 15 to inform you, probably to protect you and allow your mind and personality to mature to the point they felt you could handle it best.

My advice to other families would be to carefully consider what age they would like to explain family history and lineage to adopted children, and to make careful considerations before deciding. There are pros and cons about telling a child at a young age or waiting until the mid-teen years, as was the case in your instance. I have seen studies in recent years that indicate that children, even as young as three and four years old, can usually handle a discussion about adoption. But of course, the choice is up to the parents, and each set of parents usually has their own specific reasons.

The most important thing is that you landed in a loving family and you truly love, enjoy, and respect your adoptive parents very much.

MY LITTLE BRO IS DESPICABLE!

DR. WALLACE: I'm a girl who is 16 years old, and I have an obnoxious little brother who is nine. He's always seeking to disrupt my life, and he especially takes pleasure in tattling on me and trying to get me in trouble at every opportunity.

I've made a few mistakes here and there over the years and in the unfortunate times that he has witnessed some of my mistakes, he either has run off to tell my parents immediately, or he has held the information back to use against me later. As he's gotten older, he often tries to blackmail me by holding something over my head that he saw or heard me do.

Fortunately, I haven't made too many, really big mistakes, but each one I make with an earshot or vision of him comes back to haunt me. The other day, I was frustrated trying to open a container, and I inadvertently said a bad word. Of course, my little brother heard it, and he's been threatening to blackmail me for the past week. He wants me to give him half of my allowance. Our parents give us an allowance once per month, and in a few weeks, the next allowance is due and he told me that if I give him half for just the next month, he'll never bring up what I said.

What can I do about this? He's a little scoundrel and he's always seeking to scam me and use leverage over me. — A Frustrated Older Sister, via email

A FRUSTRATED OLDER SISTER: First of all, you need to work diligently on improving yourself, especially knowing there are two little lies and two little layers just waiting to pounce on you at any moment.

Having said that, in this particular instance, I suggest you use his power immediately. You do this by going directly to your parents, confessing what you did and apologizing, and explaining to them that you will not do it again.

Allow your parents to discuss this with you and don't rush the conversation at all. Let them have their say, make your apology, and explain that it won't happen again, especially since you have two younger, impressionable siblings in the house.

At that point, you can also casually say that your younger brother, unfortunately, did hear what you said and that he wanted you to pay a ransom of half of your allowance for him to keep it from your parents. This will allow your parents to deal with him directly, and this should put a stop to his extortion. Now do your part by not giving him anything further to hold over your head!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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