We Are Very Happily Married, but One Thing Is Missing

By Dr. Robert Wallace

July 2, 2024 5 min read

DR. WALLACE: My husband and I have been married happily for four years now, but there's one thing missing. We would like to have a child, and we've tried desperately to conceive one, right from the very start or our marriage on our honeymoon.

Thus far, nothing has worked despite our best efforts: spending money at fertility clinics, following every piece of advice we could cull from the internet, visiting various medical professionals and even listening to a few health gurus.

We've now reached the point that we're considering adopting a baby, which could take quite a long time. There is a limited access to babies available for adoption in our area. Our other alternative is to seek to have a surrogate mother carry our child.

In your opinion, which would be better for us? — Desperate To Become a Mother, One Way or Another, via email

DESPERATE TO BECOME A MOTHER, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER: It's hard for me to provide you an educated opinion since I don't know your family personally.

Your family history, life circumstances and a variety of other factors should be taken into consideration before you make a final decision.

Off the top of my head, I can tell you that it likely would not be a problem to apply for adoption right away in any case since it will likely take quite a while for that option to come through. Then, you can do further research into surrogate motherhood and any other ideas you may wish to pursue before you reach your final decision.

I also feel it would be wise for you and your husband to speak to everyone you can in your circle of friends, family and acquaintances who have had experience with one or both of these options. Ask them every possible question you can think of and factor all of this information into your final decision. I wish you luck no matter which route you end up taking.

I'D LIKE TO HELP OUR FAMILY'S FINANCIAL SITUATION

My younger sister and I have been raised for the past 11 years by our wonderful single mother. She has a full-time job and has done many great things to help my sister and I navigate our lives.

My father is out of the picture and lives over 1,000 miles away from us. He's not in touch with my sister or me at all, but at least he has regularly been making child support payments for over a decade. However, those payments stopped last month, and my mother told me that he called her and said that he's facing financial hardship and doesn't know when or if he'll be able to resume them.

My mother is in a panic because this will impact our family's finances greatly. I offered to get a part-time job immediately this summer and continue it during my senior year in high school next year.

My mom doesn't want me to do this, because she wants me to study hard and try to get into the college of my choice.

I'm concerned that if I don't work at least part time, we may not be able to make ends meet. Do you think I should be allowed to work this summer, and perhaps even during the next school year? — Our Finances Are Low, via email

OUR FINANCES ARE LOW: This is a difficult question, and there are many variables to consider. Have you been accepted to the college of your choice? Do you feel you'll be able to maintain your grades at least to a reasonable level while you work part time?

It might be a good idea to receive permission from your mother to start working at least part time this summer so that you can get a feel for some job opportunities and the responsibilities of a workplace.

You should also see if there is a free or low-cost financial guidance center that could sit down with you and your mother to help make a budget. These professionals may also be able to search for any assistance programs that your family may qualify for.

In general, I'm not opposed to having you work part time, because if it becomes too much for you, you can always work fewer hours or stop working entirely if your academic performance declines. And if you can manage things well, you'll be a terrific help to your family and household finances.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Minnie Zhou at Unsplash

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