DR. WALLACE: About a month ago my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. It has been really hard for me emotionally to deal with this breakup, especially since I didn't see it coming at all. It hit me hard and was such a shock that the first three or four days after I heard the news, I felt literally numb.

In the past four weeks I've had a lot of support from my friends, but I still feel really bad at different points of time and even at different times of day. Some days my feelings follow a regular pattern, but on other days my emotions and thoughts are quite random. It feels like no matter how much I distract myself I can still get really down when I let my mind replay the memories of the past few years over and over. I wonder if I should have done something different during our time together or if he was going to just end up leaving for no major reason anyway. We never even got into any big arguments and in the leadup to the breakup I felt everything was fine and normal as usual. He didn't give me much of a reason as he simply told me he felt that it was time he moved on. I was shocked at how cold he sounded when he broke this news.

Worst of all, these days when I do feel bad, it seems like I can't find a way to do anything to cope with my emotions effectively. Do you have any possible suggestions on some ways I can bring myself out of that place and cope with these difficult feelings? — Crestfallen, via email

CRESTFALLEN: Time is a great but gradual healer. We sometimes never fully get over certain losses, like the loss of a loved one. It may sound trite, but the best thing you can do is to stay busy, active and look forward as much as you possibly can.

Your memories of your past relationship will always be there, so perhaps set up a plan to spend one full day soon, preferably on a day you have off from work and/or school, and think deeply about your past relationship. You might get out a notebook and write down some of your fond memories and also take time to write out how you feel right now. Your future self might really benefit from looking back someday and reading specifically how you felt at this point in time.

In advance of this exercise, know that you plan to use this specifically scheduled day to button up for now your ongoing gazing into the rearview mirror of your life. I know this may sound a bit difficult, but taking a dedicated day to truly think hard and look back could be cathartic and allow you to wake up the very next day knowing that you took the time to mourn the loss of your past relationship. You mentioned it has been about a month now, so hopefully the time frame may be right for you to give this exercise a try.

The goal would be to soak up everything you've been thinking about piecemeal and deal with a huge block of it all at once. Then starting the very next day, flip the script of your thoughts from your past to your future. Imagine yourself really happy and satisfied again in your future. See yourself (in your mind's eye) in a new, successful and even more endearing new relationship that makes you truly happy. Yes, it will take time for this to happen organically, but each day you can stay encouraged, expectant and focused on your future will be one more day you're not simply dwelling on your past without anything to look forward to.

There's a technique I've used many times in my own life for a variety of situations that has worked well for me, and I hope might be even modestly useful for you. The technique is to mentally think each morning (and even evening) that "I'm one day closer to achieving something that is important to me." Trust the process of putting one foot in front of the other and seek to leverage incremental progress to make important small steps in the right direction every day.

Finally, do understand that the suggestions I'm outlining here for you may or may not be compatible for your particular personal situation. If you find yourself sinking lower and lower emotionally you should immediately speak with relatives, trusted adults, friends and any others in your life that are close to you. It's important to communicate with others and not to hold your emotions and sadness in. Lean on others who care about you, especially at this time. And if you continue to struggle, don't hesitate to seek professional counseling in your area. Having a licensed professional therapist to help guide and support you is always a great option to have at the ready in your toolbox.

I wish you well in your journey in life and am rooting for you to make progress toward feeling better as soon as possible. It's normal to feel deep sadness when someone you've cared deeply about exits your daily life.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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