DR. WALLACE: I'd like to address a problem that faces many high school seniors. The family must move away and the senior is forced to make a very hard decision. Stay and graduate with your friends or move to a strange environment and graduate with strangers. That problem faced my family and me and I'd like to share with you and your teen readers what happened.
I spent three and one-half wonderful high school years with my friends and teachers when my mother informed me that my dad had been transferred and the family had to move.
Since I didn't want to graduate from a new high school, I had a long chat with my mom. I told her that it was possible for me to live with a friend family for the four months it would take to graduate. Reluctantly, my mom agreed. A week later, my parents met with my friends' parents and together they set down rules and regulations I had to abide by.
My "new family" soon accepted me and I earned my keep in their home. I helped with the chores, shopping, cooking, cleaning and even volunteered to help their young son with his school studies. His parents noticed an improvement in his grades and were deeply appreciative of my efforts in assisting him.
Naturally, I missed my family, but the four months went by rapidly. I graduated with honors from my high school in San Antonio and I'm happy my parents and my friend's family gave me that opportunity. I am now settled in El Paso, Texas with my mother, father and sister. I've made many new friends and I love it here too, but I'm blessed that I was able to graduate with my friends in San Antonio. — Lucky girl, El Paso, Tx.
LUCKY: You have highly intelligent parents and your friends' parents were indeed very gracious to accommodate your request. You are a very fortunate young lady.
PLAYERS ARE NOT LOSERS
DR. WALLACE: My dad is coaching a Little League baseball team and my little brother is on it. So far, they've played two games. They won their first game and lost their second game. After the first game, my dad told my brother he was great and he was very proud of him. But after the second game loss, he told him he was a loser and ought to be ashamed of himself for striking out to end the game with the tying run at third base and winning run on second.
I am writing this to point out what's wrong with Little League baseball. It's than adults! My father is wonderful all the time except when he's coaching my brother. What gives? — Anonymous, Chicago, IL.
ANONYMOUS: It's easy to feel good whenever we win. It's far more difficult to feel good when we lose, but learning how to do this - how to relocate our pride after it's been battered around — is one of the great lessons sports can teach us. The guidance of the adults, particularly the coach, is crucial, especially in defeat. A child should be praised for doing his or her best even when the team loses, and not be called a "loser," a term that can loom far bigger than the final score as it may echo inside a child mind for many years to great harm.
We should all strive to be winners, but when we lose, we need to not feel we've failed. We should feel motivated to pick up and try again, and be pleased that we competed honorably to the best of our collective abilities. There is great value in sports competition, win or lose. Please make sure Dad reads your letter and my response here. He sounds like a reasonable man who could use a little friendly, earnest advice. I've been on the receiving end myself of some very good advice over my lifetime and I'm definitely better for having received helpful advice when I needed it.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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