DR. WALLACE: I read your column regularly, and I usually follow most of your advice. You usually tell teens not to get involved with a pen pal who is in jail or prison. I agree that it may not be the best idea to write to just anyone in this situation. However, I want to share my experience with a pen pal on death row.

I got my pen pal from a very good lady at my church when I was 15 and I've been writing to him for the past 5 years. This fellow has written sincere and interesting letters to me and I have become his friend. He has never once written anything inappropriate and has even given me insight and information regarding world events. He continues to follow the world news and is reading his bible daily.

He has encouraged me to study hard and to do something positive with my life. He has inquired about my family and has encouraged me to appreciate my family and friends and not to disappoint them. I have saved all of his letters and each and every one of them is positive and informative. Even though his days are numbered, he remains upbeat and makes the most of each one of them!

So please, Dr. Wallace, never tell teens not to write to a convict. For me, it has been a good experience for both of us. — Sylvia, Reno, Nev.

SYLVIA: I'm all in favor of a prisoner having a pen pal, but I do think the pen pal should be an adult. Even though your experience has been a good one, I still breathe a sigh of relief.

It could have been quite different. Pen-pal relationships with prisoners can turn into a tangled nightmare for teens when the prisoner is released. I know this to be true because I have received several letters confirming the darker side.

A CHILD MOVING AWAY IS A SHOCK

DR. WALLACE: I applaud the advice you gave the 19-year-old girl whose parents wouldn't allow her to date! You advised her to make plans to move away from home and to take charge of her own life. This is excellent advice, and I know because I had a similar experience.

When I was 19 my parents wouldn't let me go out on dates and I had a 10 p.m. curfew just as I had in high school. No matter what I argued, they would not change their minds and said that I should be happy that I was not paying rent.

Finally, I made a decision and packed a few things in my car and told my parents that I was moving in with my best friend and her husband, and I moved that very day.

The next day my father called me on my cell phone and begged me to come home. He told me that I could have the freedoms I wanted. I did not go running home, but I told him it would take me a few days to think about it. I called him four days later and told him I would be coming home. When I returned home, my parents treated me like the adult I was and I'm happy to say they began to trust me as an adult. — Olivia, Elkhart, Ind.

OLIVIA: Some parents find it difficult to let go of their authority to be in charge of their child's safety and protection. They mean well, but the child also has to accept the responsibility for his or her own life. Simply stated, your parents were "smothering" you with their love.

The shock of having a child move away from the family home, causes the parents to review their rules with a promise to accept that their offspring is becoming an adult and deserves more freedom in the event that he or she returns to the home.

"SHUT UP" IS NOT ACCEPTABLE LANGUAGE

DR. WALLACE: My parents always say, "Shut up, teens should be seen and not heard." They think that what I say is not important. I'm writing to you so I can show your answer to my father and mother. I'm 14 years old. — Teen, Peoria, Ill.

TEEN: Your parents are half-right when they say teens should be seen. To be 100 percent correct, they should listen to what the teen says. Using the words "shut up" is not acceptable.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Derek Key