TEENS: Sometimes, changing your ways can mean losing friends, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy: "When you make a change in your attitude or behavior, almost everyone around you reacts to it."

Some may react to the new you with praise, but others may sabotage your efforts to improve yourself.

During the teen years, conformity is usually a big issue and changes may create disapproval from the group of friends who have adhered to certain unstated "rules." One teen who was interviewed on the subject said, "When I decided to try for a scholarship to college, I began working hard to get better grades so I could qualify. It was difficult and time-consuming, but I got no encouragement from my friends. They called me a "bookworm," and began to avoid me.

Psychologist Daryl Woodward agrees that people can feel threatened or jealous when your interests change and friends make comments like "I don't know what has come over her. She sure has changed." Somehow, they feel that you are rejecting them as well as your prior behaviors.

Kay Porterfield, a writer at AAMFT reports that most individuals find change nerve-wracking. So when the normal network of friends and family isn't supportive, the uphill transition period may seem impossible. However, she emphasizes that "change is an important part of personal development and improvement. Therefore, it's important to go on with the show even if no one is applauding your efforts."

To help you get through this rough time, they offer the following suggestions:

1. Be aware of the various reactions you may get. If you don't expect everyone to applaud your efforts, you won't feel betrayed when they don't. Only when you have decided that the benefits outweigh the costs will you have a chance of keeping to your resolutions.

2. Find an ally. Going it alone makes you vulnerable and more likely to give up. "Involve as many people as you can in your support system." Woodward says. For problems with overeating, drinking, or drugs, become involved with a local self-help group.

3. Plan your strategy in writing. If others criticize you, try to keep your temper.

4. Don't proselytize. Don't try to convert others to your new point of view.

5. Reassure those close to you. If friends or family feel threatened by new interests in your life, try to understand their feelings and remind them that they still hold an important place in your heart, too.

If you hang in there, the new you will eventually become just plain old you to those around you. The new you just needs a little getting used to!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.