DR. WALLACE: I'm a 19-year-old female and an only child. I recently had to move back home due to lack of finances, after a year of living on my own. I had moved out to have some independence because I wasn't allowed to do any of the things that normal teens are allowed to do.

Even now, as I write this letter, I'm not allowed to have friends over and I don't even have a key to the house. It's like I'm still a child, and it causes me a lot of inconvenience and misery. I'm going to community college part-time and I also have a part-time job.

My mother doesn't work and I know she rummages through my personal belongings like my purse, my dresser and my diary (she never puts things back the way they were). The other day I told her I know she does it and asked her why. Her answer was, "It's my house and I can do whatever I like."

What can I do to convince her I deserve my privacy? I'd appreciate any advice you can offer me. — Upset, Newport Beach, Calif.

UPSET: It's obvious that your parents didn't take a course on "How to Be an Effective Parent." When a parent must resort to the line, "It's my house and I can do whatever I like," he or she is admitting complete failure at the real job of parenting: molding the family into a cohesive unit where all members share in one another's success.

The home should be more than just a place to eat and sleep; it should be a place filled with the sounds of joy and laughter, not simply of family members, but also friends, relatives and neighbors. The house belongs to all the family members. Of course, when a disagreement occurs, the parents usually make the final decision, but it should be a decision tempered with love and wisdom.

It appears as though your parents never began the process of extending trust to you. This is a gradual process that should begin in childhood and increase during adolescence, when the young person moves toward independence. Trust is the key ingredient in a functional family.

Discuss your feelings with Mom and Dad together when you find them in a receptive mood. If the problem is due to a broken trust in the past, ask them how you can regain their trust and how the family can work together to re-establish that trust. If the problem can't be solved within the family, ask if they would be willing to seek guidance from a professional family counselor.

Do everything you can to show your parents that you are trustworthy and should have the same freedom as other young adults. Plan on moving to your own place the instant you are financially able.

ANY ADDICTION IS A VICIOUS CIRCLE

DR. WALLACE: I've heard the expression "hooked on drugs." I know it means that users must continue to keep taking them until they are cured, but how can they be cured if the drug gives them so much pleasure? — Nameless, Elizabethtown, Ky.

NAMELESS: When an abuser stops taking the dependent drug, he or she suffers physical withdrawal symptoms such as muscle spasms, vomiting, sweating, insomnia and other miserable things. Taking the drug relieves these withdrawal symptoms.

It's a vicious cycle and the abuser can never win unless he or she makes it through the withdrawal period.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.