DR. WALLACE: My best girlfriend and I do a lot of things together and we usually have a lot of fun, but the last several months, she's moved to what I call a "failure to mention" mode! We will make plans together, but she will fail to mention that she needs to go somewhere and drop something off in the middle of our time together.

Another time, she failed to mention that she had to take her little sister with us for the whole evening because her mother couldn't find a babysitter that night. A third time, she "failed to mention" that she wanted to change our plans so that she could hang out at a certain mall and spend some time talking to a guy she wanted to meet there.

In all of these instances, she made specific plans with me to either go to a movie, go out to eat together or to do something else specific. But instead of following through on our plans, she went right into her makeshift mode and things changed on the fly with no discussion in advance! I know in some of those instances she knew before she ever left to meet me what was going to happen. I feel this is unfair, but I don't want to jeopardize our overall friendship by coming down on her hard. What should I do? — She Fails to Mention Her True Intentions, via email

SHE FAILS TO MENTION HER TRUE INTENTIONS: She is indeed disrespecting your friendship by not notifying you in advance about her change in plans that she was fully aware of before heading out to meet you. Apparently, she wants you to spend time with her as if she has another agenda running parallel that she discloses only after you are out with her. In the situation involving her changing your plans to pursue a particular guy she's interested in rings a familiar refrain with letters I've received in the past. Many girls want another girl present as a safety net when they "pursue" a new guy they have an interest in.

Nonetheless, she should tell you this in advance and get your approval about where you're going to be hanging out during a particular evening. In my estimation, the best thing to do here is to have a calm talk with her during the daytime, someday when the two of you are just hanging out during a quiet time.

Start by mentioning what a great friend of yours she is and how much you enjoy hanging out with her. But then go on to say that you've noticed her plans change a lot, and that you're finding out about it after you've already set up a different previous plan with her. Tell her it's ok for her to make changes, but to just let you know in advance. Explain to her that there will be times you will agree with her new plans and you'll continue forward with her and there will be times that you're going to want to do something else with your time that particular evening. Let her know that in both cases, it has no reflection on the strength of your friendship together.

HE WON'T LEAVE MY ARM ALONE THE ENTIRE MOVIE!

DR. WALLACE: I'm a girl who is 16, but I turn 17 in less than two months. My parents let me start dating at 16 as long as I promised to follow their various rules, and so far, it's worked out pretty well.

I've dated a lot of different guys; some of them were just like friends to me, but I haven't really felt any romantic interest in any of them until I met the most recent guy. Things started out well, and he really likes going to the movies, so that's what we do on most of our dates. But unfortunately for me, he's developed a habit that is really turning me off! While we are sitting in the dark watching a movie at the movie theater, he has this habit of continually caressing my arm that is next to his. Normally, I like holding hands when we're out in public together or walking through a mall or something, but for him to be caressing and stroking my forearm the entire time the movie is playing is not only distracting, but it erodes any romantic feeling I may have had for him.

I know this is no big deal in the big picture, but it has really changed my thinking about him and I'm considering breaking up with him soon. Do you think that if I break up with him for this reason, it makes me a shallow person? — His Caresses Have Backfired, via email

HIS CARESSES HAVE BACKFIRED: Given your age and the situation, I do not think that makes you a shallow person. As a young teenager, I highly encourage you and all teens to gain dating experience and rotate amongst dating partners for any reasonable reason at all at your age.

If you've felt that any romantic flame has been extinguished in this case, elongating a dating relationship is counterproductive for each of you. The only decision you really need to make at this point, beyond moving in a new dating direction, is to decide if you want to tell him the specific reason or not. Think that through carefully and go with what your gut tells you would be best regarding your situation.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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