DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and met a guy my age through mutual friends this summer, who I liked even though he was very quiet. The first few times I met him in a group setting, but then on the third time, I asked him out on a date. He accepted, but he remained a guy of very few words.

The more I'm around him, the more I like him. He seems very calm and stable, and he has a good personality underneath his obvious shyness.

What can I do to get him to open up to me and say a little bit more? Even when we go out on dates, he usually gives me short answers, so I end up carrying almost every conversation. Any suggestions? — Would Like Him to Open Up More, via email

WOULD LIKE HIM TO OPEN UP MORE: Give him time! Believe it or not, you're off to a good start with him, and he obviously wants to spend time with you because he keeps continuing to engage with you.

My advice is not to put direct pressure on him, so plan on continuing to carry most of the future conversations for a while, but do sprinkle in a few questions for him here and there. There is an art to asking open-ended questions. Ask him questions that do not elicit 'yes or no' answers, or even answers that can be replied to briefly in a very short sentence. It's better to ask questions that require at least a bit of an explanation, even if he's not going to make that explanation long and detailed.

For example, you could tell him what some of your favorite hobbies are. Explain why they are important to you and what you like about them. Then, once you've carried that conversation and explained yourself pretty well, ask him what hobbies or activities he enjoys the most, and why he likes them. He would likely feel comfortable explaining this to you after you've given an example of a hobby of yours first. Then, as he answers your questions, you can ask follow-up questions, showing interest and enthusiasm for his hobby or field of interest. He's more likely to speak openly about something he knows well and enjoys.

In my experience, hearing stories about shyness over the years, the longer a couple is together, the more likely the shy individual is to open up to the other person at some point. It just takes time, trust and a comfort level that must be built up slowly over time. Do your best to be patient and encouraging, and I trust you'll set the stage to receive gradually increasing positive results via more dialogue from him.

I WANT TO HELP MY AUTISTIC BROTHER

DR. WALLACE: I'm a college student, and I have a younger brother who is autistic. We live near Coors Field, the baseball stadium where the Colorado Rockies play their home games.

My uncle on my father's side suggested that my brother should try to become a vendor this summer at Coors Field to sell food to the people in the crowd, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea or a good fit for him.

I have another uncle, this one on my mother's side of the family, and he thinks my brother can be taught a trade if he goes into a special program to learn a specific job. Which idea do you like better for my brother and why? — I Want to Help My Younger Brother, via email

I WANT TO HELP MY YOUNGER BROTHER: On this particular issue, I side with the uncle on your mother's side of the family for a specific reason.

In your community, there is a tremendous program that was founded by a man named Danny Combs, and it's called Teaching the Autism Community Trades or TACT. It was founded in Englewood, Colo., so it's not too far from your home area.

This excellent organization has done tremendous things for the autistic community for eight years since its inception. TACT uses skilled trades to help students develop employment skills and provide opportunities based on the strengths of each specific individual.

Some of the trades involved include carpentry, welding, electrical work, auto mechanics and even various aspects of information technology. The program uses small classes with a maximum of three to six clients per class and develops a customized plan for the education, training and employment of each individual based on their particular strengths, personality and abilities.

Do some research in your local area and perhaps speak directly to Mr. Combs about your brother. I feel strongly that it's well worth investigating before other decisions are made regarding your brother's future by your family, and most importantly, by your brother himself. If you'd like to make contact with TACT, call (303) 295-0163 or visit them online at buildwithtact.org to receive further information. For anyone in America seeking to help an autistic person, this organization provides a wealth of knowledge, information and encouragement. It's well worth checking out to see the fantastic progress that has been achieved to help many in their local autistic community find meaningful work. Based on their success in Colorado, other similar programs surely will develop in other states in the near future inspired by this model.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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