DR. WALLACE: I just finished my first year in college and have had the same boyfriend for the past seven months. Overall, he's been nice to me, but I've seen a huge swing between the first four or five months and the last two months.

Over the past few months, and particularly the past three weeks, he has been overly critical and nitpicking of me way more than usual. When we go outdoors, especially to camping and swimming events, he asks me in advance what I'm going to wear and he attempts to influence my choices. So far I've held my ground, but I'm getting very tired of his relentless controlling overtones. How can I get him to stop this? — Tired of His Directives, via email

TIRED OF HIS DIRECTIVES: In my opinion, you have a bigger problem on your hands than just fighting for your right to wear what you want.

The fact that he would put consistent pressure on you to bend to his wishes is a red flag. I also find it interesting that he started out acting nice to you, but things aren't going so swimmingly now that you've reached the summertime.

This may be a good time for you to consider where you see this relationship as it stands, and where you project it would go in the future given the current trajectory.

WE'RE OPPOSITES IN IMPORTANT WAYS

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend is pretty responsible overall, and he has a good job that pays well. However, one of my main concerns about him is the fact that he smokes cannabis products several times a day, each and every day.

Personal health is very important to me; I avoid secondhand smoke, eat nutritious foods and take my exercise program quite seriously.

In all three of these areas, he does not match up to me very well. In fact, you may say we are polar opposites. He often binges on very unhealthy food because he gets hungry after his constant marijuana smoking. He also never wants to exercise with me (hiking, light jogging or working out at our local gym).

People often say that opposites attract, and there are areas that we fit together pretty well. But when it comes to the physical side of our relationship, I have deep concerns. Is it possible he's simply going through a phase and will eventually get on board with taking better care of himself? — Health and Fitness Are My Priorities, via email

HEALTH AND FITNESS ARE MY PRIORITIES: Any change your boyfriend might make in the future will have to come from his own motivation, not yours.

You also mentioned that he has an excellent job that he apparently is successful at, despite his present lifestyle. I feel that would reinforce his mindset of being able to do as he pleases in his personal life since he's not facing any negative consequences of doing so, other than your disapproval.

If you think the two of you have a long-term future and might be interested someday and starting a family, now would be a good time to have very open and deep discussions. Too often, relationship partners move ahead day by day, week by week, month by month and even year by year in a sort of "cruise control" rather than addressing potential areas of compatibility.

My advice is to be proactive in initiating discussions about your individual and potential collective futures.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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