DR. WALLACE: I got into some trouble last weekend with two friends who convinced me to use poor judgment. I don't want to go into all of the details, but I will tell you that the police were involved, and they called my mother to come and pick me up once the incident was over.

My mother told me that I'm now grounded for all of June and July. But what really got to me was that my mom just told me that I won't be getting any birthday presents in late August this year, "because (I) don't deserve them!"

I've been a good student all of my life and haven't gotten in serious trouble until I made a stupid mistake and allowed peer pressure to cloud my judgment. I'm truly sorry and remorseful and I've come to terms with accepting my grounding for most of the summer. But it really stings to cut my birthday off this year! I'll be turning 16 and my mom and I had been planning a big party with many of my friends. I'm not really worried about not receiving any presents, but I sure would like to have a 16th birthday party with my friends and my mom.

It feels like she is kind of canceling my identity and my one opportunity in life to turn 16. Do you think this is fair, and if you were in my shoes, what would you do to try to get this important birthday party reinstated? — I Messed up Big Time, via email

I MESSED UP BIG TIME: I personally wouldn't use the cancellation of a birthday party as a punishment. Being grounded most of the summer is a significant punishment in my opinion, but I of course do not know the nature of your transgression that has put you in this position. Talk to your mother at a calm and quiet time one day soon and politely ask her what you can do between now and late August that might allow you to at least have a modest get-together with your friends. Tell your mother that you'll do extra chores to help her at home and that you don't want any gifts at all, other than the one gift of being allowed to celebrate your birthday with your friends and your mother.

And of course, between now and then, it's up to you to be as helpful, polite, contrite and symbiotic as you possibly can with your mother. Also let her know that you want her there at your party with you since she means so much to you. Apologize and tell her you've learned your lesson. Then don't bring it up again at all until your full grounding period is over. The first week of August would be a good time to address your possible birthday party again — unless your mother has already brought it up to you before then.

SHE JUMPS UP TO MEET HIM AT ANY MOMENT HE WANTS

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and my best friend recently met a guy who has literally swept her off her feet! She hangs on his every word, constantly waits for him to text or call her and she's often quite distracted whenever we are out together.

This is all fine and understandable, but what bothers me is that she and I will sometimes make plans to go out together or meet at our local mall to do some shopping. Lately, half the time we make these kinds of plans, she ends up canceling them at the last minute because this guy has contacted her and invited her out on short notice.

One time we actually had already met at the mall and were only 10 minutes into a shopping trip for a specific purpose, and she received a text from him. She then turned to me and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to go right now." Before I could say much of anything, she left the store and headed outside to meet him.

What can I do about this? I don't want to yell at her, and I do want to remain her friend, but her behavior is becoming ridiculous. — Not Amused, via email

NOT AMUSED: The next opportunity you get, sit down with her and have a very deep and open discussion about your friendship. Start by telling her how much you care for her and how you always plan on being there for her.

But then shift the conversation to what's bothering you. Explain to her that you want to be able to count on her to follow through when she makes plans with you. Ask her to either stick to your mutual plans or not to make them at all. Let her know that if your roles were reversed, you would fully understand and abide by plans you made with her in advance.

You should also mention to her that it might be good for her relationship with this guy for her to be at least temporarily unavailable to meet with him occasionally instead of jumping to his requests 100% of the time at his beck and call.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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