DR. WALLACE: I need a car to get to my part-time job. I just graduated high school and I'll start some classes at a local junior college this fall. In the meantime, I'm trying to work as many hours as I can to save up money to buy a reliable used car.

My father is an "old school" guy, so he has shown no interest in offering to pay for even part of a car for me. He drives a very nice, new, expensive car that is one of his most cherished possessions, so I've never asked him for the keys to borrow it even once.

I've spoken with a few of my friends and two of them were able to convince their parents to pay for half of their first cars. I'd love that, but I highly doubt my father would help me in that regard. I also hate rejection, so thus far I have not even told him that I've saved up more than half of what I'll need to buy my first car.

I know fuel, insurance and maintenance are expensive too, so I plan to work every shift I can get this summer to try to bank as much money as possible. At least I have a few good friends who often give me a ride to or from work, so things are manageable so far.

How would you best advise me to approach my stodgy father about this issue? To be honest, I've been intimidated to even bring this up to him. I still live at home, and I regularly help him with chores in the garage and yard. Any ideas? — Seeking My First Ride, via email

SEEKING MY FIRST RIDE: Yes, I do have an idea, but first I will mention that if you never ask, you'll never receive a yes, so focus on a logical and polite presentation and take your shot.

I'd start by telling him that you've saved up slightly more than half of what you'll need to buy your first used car. Explain that you're getting rides often to and from work from friends, but that you can't always count on that, and you feel it's time you seek out your own independent transportation to work.

Also mention that you've researched the cost of maintenance and insurance and ask him if he would be open to helping you out by adding you to his family auto insurance policy when the time comes. Tell him that you will drive carefully and responsibly and that if he would ever wish to remove you from his policy that you'd understand and accept that, but that you plan to do everything in your power to live up to the privilege of that opportunity if he's willing to offer it to you. Tell him that of course you'll pay the full extra premium you and your car will generate on his policy.

If he's open to that idea, then I see an opening for you to speed things up. You might then ask him for a loan for 45% of the capital you're trying to raise as soon as possible. Let your father know you'll be willing to do extra chores in your home, yard, garden or anywhere else he might need help. Also let him know you'll be happy to pay him a fair rate of interest as well if he is able to help you out.

This way you're not asking for charity regarding your purchase or insurance, but you are seeking to access the positive leverage he might be able to provide you if he's so inclined. The fact you've already saved up over half of what you need should get his attention in a positive way. Good luck!

I DON'T WANT TO UPSET MY DAD BY PASSING HIM BY ON THIS

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and I lost my mother to an automobile accident six years ago. As a girl there are many things that I would have wanted to discuss with my mother and am uncomfortable discussing with my father. To make matters worse, I'm the oldest of three kids in our family, so I don't have an older sister to lean on regarding my issues and concerns.

I do have an aunt who lives about 30 miles away who has been close to me over the years, especially after my mother passed. She is my mom's younger sister; they were only two years apart in age, so they were very close growing up.

What I want to know is would it be all right for me to contact this aunt to ask her to go out to lunch with me sometime on a Saturday? I'd like to talk with her for an hour or two, but I'm afraid this might make my father feel bad since he's the type of person and parent who likes to try to help everyone all the time. But in this instance, I need a woman to be the person I speak with. What should I do? I don't want to upset my father. — The Eldest Sibling, via email

THE ELDEST SIBLING: Do approach your father directly with your concerns and feel free to mention that you wrote here first if you are comfortable doing so. I trust your father will be understanding regarding your situation.

By coming to him first, you can tell him that you wanted his advice to start with. Tell him that you'd like to talk with a lady and ask him if he thinks contacting your aunt might be appropriate. This way you're involving dad in your situation without making him the one you're going to be speaking with. Instead, have him help you set up a meeting with an appropriate adult woman you both trust, hopefully this aunt you've identified.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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