DR. WALLACE: My mother and I had a huge argument over the amount of time I spend on the internet.
It ended with me slamming the door of my room and my yelling, "I hate you! I wish you would die!" After I took a shower, I went over to my friend's house for almost 3 hours. When I got home I learned that my dad had called paramedics because my mom was having trouble breathing. She was taken to the emergency room. That was three days ago and she's still hospitalized and in serious condition.
Now I really feel terrible. I believe I'm the one that caused my mom to get sick. I've visited her twice, but I didn't say anything about our huge fight. I do know she was glad to see me because she held my hand for a half hour and told me she loved me. I'm going to see her again tomorrow and I'm going to apologize to her and tell her I didn't mean what I said that day. It was a very cruel and stupid thing for me to have said to my mother. She is a wonderful mom and I love her very much. I'm very ashamed of myself.
Why would I say these things to my mother when I didn't really mean them? I'm basically considered to be a good kid from a good family. I'd like to say the devil made me do it, but the devil is not to blame. I am to blame. — Sorrowful daughter, via email
SORROWFUL: We all occasionally say things we don't mean when we lose our temper. When that happens, there's only one thing we can do: apologize. The words "I'm sorry" and "I love you" go a long way and ease whatever pain your outburst may have caused.
When you do apologize to mom, include hugs and kisses, and be sure to forgive yourself as well. She clearly has already forgiven you!
BIG SURPRISE AT AGE 80
DR.WALLACE: I was so happy to read the letter from a young lady who was adopted, thanking her birth mother for having the love and wisdom to place her with caring adoptive parents. I am an adoptee and didn't learn about my adoption until I was 80 years old. After the initial shock of learning this, I mentally thanked my birthmother for having the courage to give me up to a wonderful family. The interesting part of the story is that my entire family, including my cousins, aunts and uncles, knew I was adopted. The only way I found out was that someone was doing genealogical research on my mother's family and notified me that I was listed as "adopted" in a 1940s census when I was three years old.
I realize there are many adoptees who feel bitter and abandoned about having been given away as infants, but I hope they realize how fortunate they are that their birth mothers loved them so much and gave them up when they came to the heartbreaking realization that they could not give them the life they deserved. — Granny, Birmingham, AL.
GRANNY: Thanks for sharing your story and, even more importantly, sharing your wise, generous and accepting attitude. I'm sure it will bring comfort to many adoptees who are having a difficult time accepting their separation from their birth mothers.
What a surprise that must've been to learn those circumstances at your age of 80! I think nowadays there's far less reluctance, on the part of parents and relatives, to relay this information to their adopted children while they are still young.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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