DR. WALLACE: I'm 21 and the girl I've been dating seriously for six months is 20. I love her very much. I know she cares for me, but she doesn't love me. She is still in love with her ex-boyfriend who is a real troublemaker. He's been jailed several times for selling drugs, auto theft and assault. When he's not around she is a caring girlfriend, but when her ex shows his face she becomes a stranger to me. She doesn't go out with him, but she sees him to "help him straighten out his life."

She keeps telling me that she will never go back to him regardless of what he does with his life, but she also says she loves him, but doesn't know why.

I'd like to know what you think I should do about our future. This girl said she would like us to get married next year. Do you think I can eventually get her to love me after we are married or do you think I should forget about marrying her altogether and concentrate my efforts on another girl? This would be difficult because I love her very much. — Confused, Carson City, Nev.

CONFUSED: You're caught in a love trap. This young lady remains smitten with her bad-boy ex, which is her problem far more than it is yours. She may eventually come to her senses about this guy and shove him out of her heart, but I would advise you not to wait around for this to happen and waste your time hoping she'll turn her love toward you instead.

She talks about marriage because she sees you as a source of security, but you're cheating yourself if you are content to be her "fallback" guy. Keep seeing her if you like, but end all thoughts of marriage. I encourage you to date others because you deserve a girlfriend who loves you as much as you love her.

Marriages that beat with half a heart have very little chance of surviving.

HAVE AN OCCASIONAL ALCOHOLIC DRINK

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and think of myself as a social drinker. I never get drunk and I only have one or two drinks when I do imbibe, but I do enjoy them. I read your column regularly and am amused at your straitlaced stance on insisting that teens, and even adults, not drink a single drop.

Are you not aware that many doctors recommend a small amount of alcohol daily to keep the body functioning properly? Do yourself and your readers a huge favor by recommending the occasional hot toddy. It might make you live longer. — Joe , Lima, Ohio.

JOE: Yes, some people claim that a small amount of alcohol is good for one's health. Even if it is, I can show you far more people whose health — and lives — have been wrecked by it. This addictive substance has shortened far more lives than it has extended.

SHOULD I SPANK MY TWINS?

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 19-year-old mother of twin boys who are almost 2 years old. Do you think that I should spank them when they misbehave? If your answer is yes, should I use my hand on their bottoms or use a small wooden paddle? I would never beat them; I would just "get their attention" now and then. — Mom, Ft. Wayne, Ind.

MOM: My answer is no! I think there are much better ways to get a child's attention than using corporal punishment as a means of discipline.

Visit your local public library and check out a few books on parenting. There are many excellent books available on effective disciplining and effective parenting.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.