DR. WALLACE: My older brother is a high school senior, and he got injured in a pickup basketball game. He's a really good athlete and played two varsity sports at our school for several years.

I'm his 13-year-old younger brother, and I noticed that now that my older brother is on crutches, he's definitely grouchier than he ever used to be. A couple of times when he was watching TV in our den, he set his crutches down next to him. Once they got moved by our father as he also sat down on the couch. Eventually, my dad got up to go help my mother in the kitchen, and 15 minutes later my brother wanted to get up off the couch, so I quickly got out of my chair, walked over to grab his crutches — since they were 10 feet away from him — so I could hand them to him. I thought I was doing a good thing, but he just glared at me and said, "I don't need any assistance, I'm no coward!"

I was so surprised that I didn't say anything. I just handed him his crutches and then got out of his way. I was thinking about it later, and it was still bothering me because I thought I was doing a good thing to help him. Do you think I did anything wrong here? And why do you think he said what he said to me? — He's Pretty Grouchy These Days, via email

HE'S PRETTY GROUCHY THESE DAYS: It's likely your brother is still in a good amount of pain, and he also feels self-conscious about not being able to move around the way that he has been accustomed to doing so, especially as an active athlete.

I find it interesting that he used the word "coward" in his comment back to you, and after thinking about that, my guess is that he was telling you that he was not afraid of experiencing the pain of hobbling over to get them himself. You did absolutely nothing wrong; in fact, you were being quite a helpful brother to him. Simply let it go, as he is no doubt grouchy, self-conscious and in pain. Gradually he'll recover, so until then, let him fend for himself, unless he specifically asks you to do something for him.

MY FATHER IS REALLY DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH

DR. WALLACE: We have a really strict father in our home, and he has all kinds of rules and regulations we must follow. I'll admit that most of them make common sense, but it's more his enforcement of the rules and his obsession with them that make me think he's definitely more intense than he needs to be over this.

One thing lately that has really bothered me is that my dad started about a month ago asking my younger brother and me to "confess" to him about things we did wrong before he finds out about them later! The first time he did this, I thought he was kidding, but I soon discovered that he was completely serious. He just stood there, waiting for me to answer him, but I was so stunned that I froze and told him I couldn't think of anything. And because I didn't "confess" to anything specifically, he grounded me that evening for holding back on him! I wanted to argue with him because I was being completely honest, but I decided not to, so I just didn't say anything, and I accepted the grounding and moved along without making it worse.

What can I do the next time he asks me to "confess" something that I did wrong? Yes, there are times when I do things that aren't exactly right, and once in a while, I do make a fairly big mistake, but I'm not sure I want him to know about every single thing I've done wrong that he doesn't know anything about. I'm not perfect, as I'm human — even though I try to be a good person and I do succeed at that almost all the time. — My Father Is a Lot to Handle, via email

MY FATHER IS A LOT TO HANDLE: Wow, I agree with you that your father's style is indeed overbearing. I can honestly say that in the decades of reading many letters from young people all across this nation and even overseas, I've never heard of a parent asking for confessions in advance of discovery.

My advice in this instance would be to intentionally forget a few small, innocuous things that you should do regularly but that are not really a big deal. Have those ready to confess if and when you are pressed in the future. Maybe you'll occasionally forget to brush your teeth before you go to bed because you're really tired, or you will not put all your dirty clothes in the clothes hamper right away, for example. Small, routine things that you can intentionally not do perfectly so that you can honestly admit you could've done better if you're questioned in a similar way again.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this situation, but do your best to keep your cool, continue being true to yourself and your situation, and navigate things with your father the best you can at this point in your life.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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