DR. WALLACE: I'm a girl who is a junior in high school, and after spending my first two years at the school hardly dating at all, I finally found a really nice guy whom I've been dating for the last five months.
We both have college ambitions and career plans that we are eager to pursue. We don't get into any trouble, we're not sexually active and we're both quite responsible.
His parents are overjoyed with me, and they often tell me that I'm the perfect fit for their son. However, my parents are a different story. They like my boyfriend well enough, but they feel I'm spending too much time with him. My mother has noticed that I don't hang out with my girlfriends anywhere near as much as I used to. I do see them occasionally outside of school, but most of my interactions with my close girlfriends are at school or via text these days. I spend most of my free time with my boyfriend.
My parents feel this is unhealthy, and they've told me this point-blank. They want to see me hanging out with my girlfriends more and my boyfriend less! Is there anything I can do about this, and do you agree with my parents? — I Found the Right Guy, via email
I FOUND THE RIGHT GUY: Based upon my experience as an observer of teens over the years, I feel that it's quite natural that teenage girls spend more time socializing with each other when they're not dating anyone steadily. When one or more girls in a group of friends develop a steady relationship, it's natural that they'll spend less time interacting with their friends and more time with their dating partner.
So, even though I agree with you on this issue, it would be wise from your perspective to make a point of inviting a few of your girlfriends over here and there so that your parents can see you interacting with them. Be sure to have these friends speak with your parents and engage them as this will round out the experience from your parents' perspective.
The good news is your parents have not forbidden you to date this boy, and they do seem to like him well enough. Do your best to keep things balanced at home, and look forward to the day that you and your boyfriend turn 18 and can move on to attending college or finding a job. You'll soon be making your own decisions about how you spend your time in your personal lives.
WE HAD AN ICE CREAM INCIDENT
DR. WALLACE: The weather has been unseasonably warm recently, so my girlfriend and I went to the beach this past weekend. Because it was hot, she wanted me to get us a couple of ice cream cones from a local vendor by the boardwalk we were strolling down.
I walked up to the window and ordered a nice ice cream cone for her and when I got back to her, I handed it to her. She asked me where mine was, and I commented that I didn't want one.
So, then my girlfriend got mad at me! She told me she felt guilty eating an ice cream cone by herself, and that I was "making her look bad" by "resisting" an ice cream cone while she "gorged" on one. I simply told her that I wasn't that much into sweets, and I didn't want one, so I didn't feel the need to pay for an extra cone that wasn't necessary. She continued harping at me and finally, I told her, "What if I had a condition that wouldn't allow me to eat any type of milk product? Would you be mad at me then?" She then questioned me about whether I really did have this type of disorder, but I told her I didn't. I explained that I was just asking her a hypothetical question.
This enraged her even more! We walked along a little further, and I noticed she had slowed down on eating her cone, so I asked her if I could have a bite just to appease her. She told me that she already knew I didn't want it, and to "never mind." Then, about 15 yards further as we were walking, she noticed a trash can and walked over and threw her remaining 80% of her uneaten ice cream cone into the trash!
Things were silent for several minutes and let's just say the rest of the date didn't go too well. But a couple of days later, she was texting me and trying to act all normal again.
Do you think I was wrong in the way I acted regarding this ice cream incident? Was I out of line? I didn't mean to be. — Dealing With the Aftermath, via email
DEALING WITH THE AFTERMATH: Not only do I feel you were not out of line, but I feel that her level of volatility and disrespect over such a small issue is a warning sign you should pay attention to.
From my perspective, her comments to you were not only unwarranted but manipulative. Then, to have her culminate the experience with heaving 80% of an uneaten treat she had requested, (and that you had paid for) into a trash can in an act of defiance showed vast immaturity.
Only you can decide if you want to stay in this type of relationship, but an incident like this one might be foretelling that additional similar difficulties likely exist with her down the road if you stay put.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
Photo credit: Roberto Nickson at Unsplash
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