DR. WALLACE: I'm a junior in high school, and one of my favorite teachers gave us a very interesting lecture in class last week. She challenged us to do something this summer other than just have fun and good times with our own personal agendas.

She encouraged us to do some volunteer work that will help other people. She said there are many ways individuals can help others, ranging from young children to elderly people in nursing homes. She also said there are many good causes that we can become affiliated with and help with.

But what really threw me off was that she made the specific request that we all do this individually! She went on to explain that she did not want us to do it with a friend or in groups of three or four students because she felt that we would all talk to each other and minimize our experience. She felt that if we went in alone, we would learn more and meet other people and absorb other perspectives without any time or energy being spent on anything but the people in front of us.

A few of my friends thought this was cool, but others thought that it was ridiculous to request that we not do it with a friend or a small group of friends. They were really puzzled why she would "punish" them by asking that they go it alone. I'm OK with it, but I wonder if you agree with the perspective of our teacher or not? — Considering Her Suggestion, via email

CONSIDERING HER SUGGESTION: I agree that this is a bit of an unusual request, but I do see the merits of her philosophy. Spending some time doing volunteer work with people who were all strangers to you before you engaged in the endeavor will indeed expand your horizons and cause you to have additional conversations with new people that may go in new and interesting directions.

You will also automatically place more attention and focus on the tasks in front of you than you would if you had friends by your side.

So, overall, I do agree with her suggestion and can understand why she wants you as juniors to try this suggestion over the coming summer. I trust she would be asking you about your experiences during the next school year.

However, I'll say that I feel that any volunteer work that a teenager likes to do, with friends or on their own, is a wonderful thing, and I would not at all discourage any teenagers from volunteering together in sets of two or even in small groups. All volunteer work done from the heart with a good attitude, an open mind and a desire to help others is a very good thing.

I WAS TRUTHFUL THEN, BUT HE LATER ASKED ME OUT

DR. WALLACE: My best friend and I are both 17-year-old girls, and we recently had an experience that tested our friendship. She broke up with her boyfriend because she thought he was flirting with me and that I was about to go out on a date with him.

Her boyfriend is the type of guy who talks to every girl and sometimes makes risque comments here and there. He absolutely has tried to engage me in conversations, but I have always told him to stop talking inappropriately around me. And for the record, he never formally asked me out, not once back then.

But two weeks after they separated, he indeed did approach me and asked me out on a date. I of course declined and told him I was not interested in dating anyone who had previously been in a steady relationship with my best girlfriend.

Over the last two weeks, my best friend and I patched things up after we had a long heart-to-heart talk, and she fully understands where I'm coming from.

Now I'm wondering if I should disclose to her that he just asked me out since it may reopen an old wound for her. And it also may make her think that I was not telling her the truth before even though I was.

Do you think I should tell her what just happened, or let the whole matter go entirely? — I Always Had Her Back, via email

I ALWAYS HAD HER BACK: You've been honest with her during the entirety of your friendship, so I see no reason to change that now. This is new information that she would likely want to know about, so I would indeed disclose it to her immediately. Tell her the exact date, time and place he asked you and how he went about it.

Let her know that you briefly considered just letting the whole matter go entirely, but that you thought if the situations were reversed and you were the person in her shoes, you would want to know. Add to that the fact that you always want to be open and honest with her, so everything added up to you wanting to tell her the complete, whole truth immediately.

I trust your friendship can well handle this new information, and as a silver lining, it will likely make her feel that her intuition about him was right all along.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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