DR. WALLACE: I just finished my first year of college and am now beginning to realize that I lived a very sheltered existence before this point in my life. My parents are probably what most people would describe as "helicopter parents" in the sense that they looked after everything for me and worked to ensure my success in many ways.

For example, I remember multiple times in high school when my mom complained to my teachers about some of the grades I was getting in my classes, and sometimes she would convince them to make adjustments in their grade book for my sake, based upon the extra credit work I always did in each class, whether or not it was offered.

My mom also used to pack me lunch every day for school, and before going off to college I'd never cooked a meal on my own or run a load of laundry in my life. Needless to say, my first year away from home was incredibly difficult, and it took me a lot of time to adjust to my new responsibilities. I still feel as though I'm behind most of the people my age when it comes to taking care of myself and handling my own business, and it's been causing me to feel very insecure and incapable. How can I catch up? I'm a good student at my university and have been able to live out on my own so far, but sometimes I catch myself wondering if I can manage to keep this up given that new challenges to my independent living will certainly arise. — Sheltered From the Storms, via email

SHELTERED FROM THE STORMS: Well, you are actually already underway on your independent journey in life and some phases of the accordingly understandable growing pains have been already endured. Yes, you'll still come across circumstances that you're not used to, and you will have to continue to stretch yourself into becoming the independent person you strive to be.

Find a few good friends and ask them for advice when you face something new, daunting or challenging. Most people are happy to give advice and to help a friend or fellow student. You don't have to follow all the advice you receive exactly as it was given, and I'd suggest that you digest all advice carefully and run it through your own carefully thought-out logic test. Doing this a few times and then succeeding at new tasks and responsibilities will give a great feeling of accomplishment and burgeoning confidence in your own abilities.

I suggest that going forward you train your current thoughts to be focused on what independent steps you've already accomplished as well as the new upcoming ones that you know you can also handle.

Don't look back at the person you were at home in high school with mom acting as your personal assistant. You are not that person anymore; you are a dynamic, busy and successful college student. Give yourself credit for your current accomplishments and only look forward from here.

MANY OF US ARE QUITE UNCOMFORTABLE

DR. WALLACE: At my school, the number of students in each grade is very small and everyone in a certain grade pretty much hangs out with everyone else since we all know each other so well. This means that basically all of the guys and all of the girls hang out together in big groups on any typical day.

Through hanging out with the guys in my grade I have gotten to know many nice and caring boys, but on the other hand I've seen some of them up close that are not so nice. Specifically, in group settings, I have experienced hearing many of the guys using inappropriate slurs and making sexist comments and then even laughing about it afterward.

This obviously makes me, and many others, uncomfortable but no one ever seems to do anything about it. The people who are saying those things seem to have close friends they say this in front of who just go along with it. Sadly, since our grade population is small, many of the rest of us hear these things too since there are only a few circles of students talking in the quad at breaks between classes.

Like me, the students who are made to be uncomfortable by it do not know what to say or how to stand up for themselves. I want the mean boys to stop saying these unacceptable things, but I don't know how to do it. — More Than Uncomfortable, via email

MORE THAN UNCOMFORTABLE: Do not stay silent even one day longer at this point! Ask a few of the other students if they would be willing to join you to speak to these boys. Many times, individuals will step up if they know a group will be there to support them.

If this can be accomplished, walk up to this group and calmly tell them you find their words are often offensive on a regular basis. Ask them calmly to cease making comments that you disapprove of.

They may or may not respect your group and they might or might not change their behavior. However, this will clear the air and draw a line in the sand. From that moment forward everyone will know their disparaging comments are unwelcome.

Your group also has the option of contacting school authorities such as a teacher or principal to intervene, but at this point, based on the small size of your class, I feel your group has an opportunity to resolve this directly. Do so immediately.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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