DR. WALLACE: I'm 15 and live with my parents. I'm an only child, and my parents watch over me as if I were 10. My mom smells my breath whenever I come home to check that I have not been smoking or drinking alcohol. When I'm at school, my mom checks my bedroom for bad stuff. I guess she is looking for drugs, alcohol, condoms or anything else her inquisitive mind might come up with.
I'm really upset with my parents' behavior. I don't smoke, drink, take drugs, swear or steal. I go to church every Sunday, do my chores and get above-average grades. I guess you could say that my only real "vice" is having a girlfriend. We don't formally date, but we do see each other every day at school.
I'm sure you will agree that teens need some privacy. I get none. I can never close my bedroom door, and my parents can come in to my room at anytime. Sometimes I'm lying on my bed reading a book and my mom will come in to my room and start looking around. When I ask her what she's looking for, she'll say, "I'll let you know when I find it."
My parents are both very religious, and when I asked them why they keep spying on me, they said because it's their role to be conscientious and observing parents. I don't dislike my parents, but I don't feel close to them at all, and I would never confide in them. I live in a nice house and have plenty of food to eat. I guess that should be enough to make me satisfied, but there are times I feel like a prisoner in my own home.
I know you can't help me. Maybe my parents will eventually calm down and give me a bit of slack. I know they love me, but I've never heard them tell me they did. My parents work hard and are honest, but they don't have a lot of friends. I wish they did, because that way they might spend some time with their friends and leave me alone once in a while. — Michael, Chicago, Ill.
MICHAEL: It's wonderful that Mom and Dad are honest, hardworking people, but their lack of parenting skills is obvious. Rule No. 1 is: Parents should trust their teens unless that trust is broken. The consequences of their lack of trust are all too apparent in your heartfelt letter. By continuing their relentless snooping and disrespecting your privacy, they've lost the chance to get information from you voluntarily. You will never confide in them. No family has ever been happy without trust as its foundation. Trust is the prerequisite of unconditional love. When parents extend trust and the child honors it, happiness and joy abound.
CONSIDER ALL CHOICES AT A DIFFICULT TIME
DR. WALLACE: Please inform your teenage reading audience that adoption is an alternative they have available to them when confronted with an unwanted pregnancy. After reading a letter from a pregnant teen who felt her only choices were to have an abortion or become an unwed mother, I decided that I must write to you.
Adoption has changed greatly over the years. Today there are many groups and organizations available to help a teen faced with unwanted pregnancy to find loving adoptive parents for her child. She then becomes a giver of the greatest gift a person can give — a life — to a loving couple who yearns for this opportunity.
As an adoptive mom, I am so happy and thankful to our teen birth mother for giving my husband and me a chance to be parents. — A Thankful Mom, via email
MOM: Thanks for reminding pregnant girls, who are struggling to make the best choice at a difficult time in their lives, that adoption to loving adoptive parents is a viable choice they should consider.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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