DR. WALLACE: I made the mistake of dating a guy who goes to another high school about 15 miles away from our high school. It wasn't a mistake that I dated a guy from a high school 15 miles away. Rather, it was a mistake because I dated this particular guy. We dated for about six weeks with mixed results until he revealed his true character and untoward behavior in ways that had me end the relationship immediately, for good reason.

In fact, the reasons were so bad that I was embarrassed at myself for ever having dated him in the first place. Just yesterday, through family friends, I heard that one of my favorite cousins just started dating this very same guy! They both attend the same high school.

I feel like now I have a dilemma. On the one hand I kind of feel I owe it to her to tell her exactly why I broke up with this guy and what he's really like. But on the other hand, I'm hesitant to butt into her business, especially about her social life. Do you think I should say anything to my cousin or not? — His True Character Is Beyond Ugly, via email

HIS TRUE CHARACTER IS BEYOND UGLY: In this type of situation, I feel you should contact your cousin one time and ask her to call you so you can briefly, tactfully explain to her what you know. Don't go overboard, don't go into every specific detail, but let your general comments drive home the important point you want to get across. Conclude by saying that if it was anyone else, you would probably look the other way and stay out of their business, but since she's one of your favorite cousins, you felt you owed it to her to at least relate your experience and your evaluation of his character.

From there, stay out of it entirely. If she does not ever end up dating him, of course, the two of you can discuss the situation further, but only if she brings it up first. And if she never brings it up at all, and you hear through the grapevine that she is indeed dating him, do not say another word — unless she brings up the topic first.

HE KEEPS PRESSING FOR MORE DOUBLE DATES!

DR. WALLACE: I have a relatively new boyfriend that I met through mutual friends at my high school, and we've been dating for about four weeks now.

He's a nice enough guy, and he's got a lot on the ball, but there's one thing that I find puzzling and perhaps a bit troubling. After we had a few solo dates, together on our third date, he suggested we go on a double date with one of his friends.

We did this, and at various points during the evening, his male friend and that male friend's girlfriend got involved in a lot of "make-out" sessions and even heavy petting right in front of us. It made me beyond uncomfortable, so I did my best to distract my boyfriend to focus on other things and even got him to take a walk with me briefly to give the other couple privacy.

I thought that was going to be a one-and-done experience, but after a couple more solo dates, my boyfriend again wanted us to double date with the same couple. I told him I wasn't comfortable with that, and he dropped it for two weeks, but yesterday he brought it up again. I kept my cool and told him my position hasn't changed, but I'm starting to think less of him for even bringing this up again after I've already told him twice. I'm not comfortable doing this. What do you think? Is this just a minor thing, or is my new boyfriend exhibiting a potential red flag here? — Puzzled by His Persistence, via email

PUZZLED BY HIS PERSISTENCE: I do see it as a potential red flag, but the thing that was left out of your letter was whether or not your new boyfriend has made uncomfortable physical advances toward you beyond what you feel is appropriate for the beginning of a new relationship.

If that's the case, coupled with the fact that he constantly wants a heavy-petting couple to accompany the two of you, it could be that he is trying to press forward physically with you as quickly as possible but doing so in a somewhat timid way. So think about how the two of you have interacted personally over the four weeks and see if you feel there's any correlation with his actions and his desire to bring this other couple along.

A final factor could be how close his friendship is with the other guy. If they are extremely tight, that may be the reason more so than the heavy petting, but if this is just an acquaintance of his or even just a casual friend, then you may indeed have your answer.

Give it some thought first, and don't be afraid to ask him directly why he wants the other couple to accompany you, but do so diplomatically.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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