DR. WALLACE: I'm just two weeks into a very tough breakup. I'm 20 years old and have been dating my high school sweetheart for the past three years. I truly thought we would marry someday and start a family.

Now I'm left to pick up the pieces as my ex has told me that not only has he found someone else, but he's actually moving halfway across the country to be with her.

They met at a trade show he attended about three months ago. Looking back, I can put the pieces together, and this explains some of his unusual behavior following his return.

It's not like I'm 16 and suffering through a routine high school breakup. This one really hurts. I'd like to think I'll feel better soon, but for now I'm pretty withdrawn and melancholy. Any suggestions on how I might speed up my grieving process? At least I know that I don't want him back after he did this to me, but that doesn't help my pain much yet. — Still Pretty Stunned, via email

STILL PRETTY STUNNED: Everyone grieves at their own pace, but a part of the recovery that I've learned often helps is to keep reminding yourself several times a day that you will get over this. It's even fine to use that as a silent or whispered mantra several times a day: "I'll get over this soon."

This affirmation is not only a coping mechanism but a link to your future. Yes, you're a long way from feeling better, but if you know and remind yourself that you're already making some small steps of progress, they will indeed add up.

And when you feel up to it, allow yourself to dream about future personal relationships. What will you want in a partner? What have you learned from this one? These ideas will provide you something to gradually look forward to and feel better about.

HE'S GREAT BUT KEEPS PUSHING ME

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend is a really nice guy with many desirable qualities. I'm more than thrilled to be dating him except for one key area of our relationship. As anyone might guess, it's the physical side of things.

I've spent a lot of time calmly and patiently explaining to him why I'm simply going to remain physically inactive until the day I get married. He knows this well as we've discussed it many, many times together. Some of our conversations were pretty deep and lasted up to 40 minutes, while several of the other ones were between two and five minutes.

He always ends up backing down or changing the subject. Time will pass, and then his push for us to get more physical will resume in one form or another.

We've been together for well over a year now. You'd think he would get the message by now, wouldn't you? How can I get him to stop pressuring me?— Tired of the Same Discussions, via email

TIRED OF THE SAME DISCUSSIONS: Your letter did not go into your ages and where you see the relationship going, but hitting this important topic is likely going to be your best opportunity to end his constant probing of the level of your commitment to your present mindset.

Start an open discussion about how the two of you view your relationship and where you see it going. Bring up the topic of a possible marriage. See how he reacts. Probe your own feelings on this topic and share your feelings with him.

If the two of you find that you are likely not on the same page for the long term, then it's time to examine the validity of your relationship beyond just being friends.

And if the two of you are both interested in potentially marrying each other someday, engage in an open and realistic discussion on when, where and how this would be likely to come about. This will give him a date to at least roughly consider, and he may realize that the pressure he's putting on you is unnecessary and unwelcome — at this point in time.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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