DR. WALLACE: I'm a 15-year-old girl and my best friend is the same age and goes to the same school. We have a lot of fun together, but I always seem to notice that she makes a lot of excuses when things don't go just perfectly for her.

We play soccer together and if she makes a mistake in the game, she will blame another player for fouling her or the referee for not calling a foul when she lost the ball to the other team.

Then at school if she does not get a good grade on a test, she will say that her little brother would not be quiet the night before so that's why she couldn't study long enough to get a good grade.

If she loses something or forgets something she will always make an excuse and blame somebody for it.

Why does she do this and how can I get her to stop blaming everyone for everything? I get tired hearing her excuses. Sometimes she will use the exact same excuse twice, like one she used about three weeks ago and then again yesterday. This means she is obviously making the second one up and she doesn't even know that I know she's telling untrue stories. — I'd Like to Help Her Stop the Excuses, via email

I'D LIKE TO HELP HER STOP THE EXCUSES: She is constantly making up excuses and this is likely because she has not yet developed a sense of personal responsibility. We are all human and we will all make mistakes and experience failures at least intermittently during our lifetimes.

Some of us have learned to deal with this to try and improve ourselves gradually whereas others fear having their imperfections exposed to others and therefore they lean upon the crutches of endless excuses. Your friend apparently fits solidly into this second category.

Developing a sense of personal responsibility does not mean that you will always be right, or that you will never make mistakes, but what it does mean is that you own up to your shortcomings and that you strive to limit and minimize them in the future.

The next time your good friend starts to unleash a string of her excuses, instead of letting them slide, tell her about a time you made a similar mistake. Tell her it's OK to admit that she didn't handle something perfectly but encourage her to do what you do: learn from experience and strive to do better in the future. With a little practice and repetition, you may get her to slowly begin to stop leaning on this unsavory crutch of blaming others for her mistakes.

THEY DENTED MY SELF-ESTEEM

DR. WALLACE: I usually feel pretty good about myself, but recently my parents and I took a trip to visit my grandparents. During this time my grandparents (my mother's parents) scolded her for not having a larger family!

I am an only child and that has never bothered me in my entire life. I'm currently 16 and will turn 17 in June. I'm a good student, have lots of friends and I'm on track to be accepted into a good university upon my graduation from high school.

My current problem is that I feel my grandparents have put a dent in my self-esteem as they ranted and raved at my mother about how bad it was for me to have been raised with no siblings at all. My grandparents feel that a large family promotes teamwork, camaraderie and the cohesiveness that is needed to go forward successfully in life.

Could they possibly be right? I have never really given the subject any thought before, but their comments have raised some self-doubt that has me slightly off my usual game these days. — Was a Happy Only Child, via email

WAS A HAPPY ONLY CHILD: You should not think for one more moment about your grandparents' comments, since they are completely out of bounds. You can build teamwork, camaraderie and cohesiveness in a multitude of ways at your age. Being involved in sports, music, the arts, volunteer work and too many other activities to list can provide an only child like you the exact same opportunities to develop the skill sets your grandparents articulated and seem to value so highly.

And I have further good news for you. Many studies I have read over the years have indicated that "only" children regularly test higher in creativity, mathematics, deductive reasoning, abstract reading and comprehension, among many other excellent attributes.

There is also another cultural and societal reason that may explain your grandparents' viewpoint. Back in their day many families had several children, whereas today's demographics indicate there are many homes across our land and even around the world with only one child present. Your grandparents are likely remembering their good old days, but today you are living your own great days yourself.

Be proud of who you are, continue to work toward your goals and don't let one shred of self-doubt creep into your mind again on this topic. Go forward boldly in your life, and I feel you will accomplish many great things!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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