DR. WALLACE: I'm a people pleaser and I've been trying to do whatever makes other people happy for as long as I can remember. Now I'm graduating from college, and the more that I think about my future, the more I realize I barely even know myself and what it is that I want from my future in life.

Up until this point, I've always done what I've been told is best and logical by well-meaning friends, family, teachers and everyone else with an opinion. Many people have confidently advised me on what they've felt is best for me.

It feels really scary now that I'm in the position of having to make big decisions about my life on my own. I kind of feel naked and afraid!

I feel mentally and emotionally stunted in this area, and so now I'm worried that I will ultimately default back to doing whatever I've been told to do by others.

How can I break this old habit and take charge of my own life now that I'm about to leave school forever? I've always felt the future was way out on the horizon, but now that horizon is rushing up to meet me this June! — Unsure of my next move, via email

UNSURE OF MY NEXT MOVE: Well, you did not mention what your field of study is at the college you're about to graduate from. You also did not mention anything about your personal life or any meaningful relationships you might have with close friends or a significant other.

Therefore, my advice will intentionally be directed to you in general terms. Let's start with your field of study. Did you study a field that "others" felt you should pursue? Do you have reservations about that if so?

I suggest that when it comes to a career, no matter what your degree is going to be in, you should pursue a field that moves you, motivates you and interests you. Take out a notebook and write down what your dream job would be and why it would be so. It may or may not be aligned with your pending degree, but that's fine. The best jobs and careers are those that one can feel passionate about and feel that by engaging in that work can make an important difference in the world from a personal perspective.

Seek to start there. Any field you enjoy, are very interested in or know deep down would drive your passion such that it might not feel all that much like work but rather an exciting hobby would be a great place to start.

Hopefully, your living situation will not be dictated by purely monetary decisions when it comes to your future employment. Think also long and hard about whether you'd enjoy working for 30 years or more in the field "others" might have recommended for you. It's now your life after all, and you'll be the one living it. Realizing what you wish to do for a career will give you the confidence to make decisions that you know will be in your best long-term interests.

WE ALWAYS SEEM TO START AND STOP

DR. WALLACE: I've been dating a guy on and off for over two years now. I'm 19, and he's 20. We seem to get along great for a month or two and then something happens, we get into an argument or two and the next thing you know, we stop talking to each other.

So then it's like we've broken up without saying to each other that we've officially broken up. Usually, we're apart for three or four months, and then out of nowhere he'll come sniffing around to see what I'm up to and he asks me out to lunch or something like that. We have lunch, and poof, we start dating again for a few months. But eventually, the cycle kicks in again and we separate for a few more months. I'm getting really tired of this, but what's weird is that during the few months we're apart I never seem to meet anyone better than him, so when he eventually sniffs around me once again, I fall for his "early nice talk," which lasts six to eight weeks before the arguing starts again. How can I break this cycle? I feel we should just resolve to get along and stop arguing no matter what. How can I get him to see things my way? — Always on and off, via email

ALWAYS ON AND OFF: You've definitely given this relationship more than enough chances to succeed on its own merits and momentum. However, there's been no sustained harmony for two years. This should tell you that something's wrong and the two of you are quite likely not a good long-term fit.

I suggest you move on once and for all, rather than holding on to the hope that he will "see things your way and stop the arguing." Perhaps the reason you've not found a better match for yourself is that you continue to stop and start with this same guy, thereby keeping him in your mind even when he's not "sniffing" around you. It's time to move on; you've given this more than enough opportunities to succeed. Do your best from here to find someone with a personality that can match up with yours in such a manner that continued arguing is not present.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: paseidon at Pixabay