DR. WALLACE: I met this nice-looking guy at a party a few months ago. He asked me for my phone number, and I gave it to him. In the past six weeks, we've gone out a couple of times. The first date was wonderful, and I kind of think I fell in love with him that very night. Well, the other dates that followed weren't quite so great because he now has a habit of becoming sexually aggressive. He literally tries to put his hands all over me in places no self-respecting woman would allow, especially with a guy she only recently met.
So, now I'm torn between the infatuation I have for him and the task of slapping his hands away each time we go out. If he only wanted to hold my hand, put his arm around my shoulders during a movie and give me a good-night kiss, I'd be in heaven. But now, every time I see him, I feel as if I have to prepare myself like I'm going into battle.
Worst of all, he becomes this weird mix of pouty and angry when I refuse his advances. He has a reputation of being quite a lady's man who brags about all the girls he has "conquered" to his group of guy friends. Well, I'm not planning to be on his "conquered list" anytime soon. It also worries me that even though we have not become physical in any way, he could still tell his buddies that we have been. I'm getting a little worried now about my reputation since several of his friends and many of mine know we have been dating for a while now.
Last week, he called me and invited me to a fraternity party. I'd really like to go because some other people I know will be there, and it sounds like it would be a lot of fun. My heart tells me to go for it, but a little voice in the back of my head keeps telling me not to attend this event with him. Please give me your opinion. Am I overreacting to his advances? After all, once I push back at him hard, he does eventually keep his hands to himself. If I leave him, I'll also miss his funny stories. He's a great conversationalist. — College Woman on Defense, via email
COLLEGE WOMAN ON DEFENSE: The handle you signed off with on your letter says it all! A college woman such as you should not have to play defense on every single date.
Since you asked for my advice, I will give it to you. Break this relationship off immediately. Life is too short to spend time with someone who is this incompatible with your values and this disrespectful to you as a woman.
Yes, some fraternity parties can be a lot of fun, and I trust you will have many chances to attend a few of them with friends or dates who share your values. And parties or not, at some point, you will meet a young man who can hold great conversations with you and have respect for your personal space as he gets to know you. The sooner you move on from this Casanova, the sooner you will meet a nice guy that you won't have to battle every time you wish to go out together.
Generally, when a voice in your head tells you one thing and your heart tells you another, you should listen to the little warning voice in your head.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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