DR. WALLACE: My friend and I got caught smoking by her mother, who then promptly called my mother. I am on restriction for a month because my mom feels like I have committed a huge crime.
Every day, she brings up the fact that I smoked. I didn't smoke. I just wanted to know what it felt like to inhale cigarette smoke. It was terrible. I coughed for five minutes after inhaling one deep breath. That cured my curiosity! I'll never smoke again. I told my mom this, but she doesn't believe me. She tells me every day how disappointed she is with me and then lectures me on the evils of tobacco. I keep telling her that I'm sorry and that it was a mistake, but she just won't let up. It's to the point that I don't want to be around her because when I see her, I know what she's going to say to me before she even makes a sound.
I'm human: I made a mistake. I said I was sorry, and I am being disciplined for this mistake. Shouldn't mom forgive me and go on with her life? — Lesson learned, Moline, Illinois
LESSON LEARNED: Your mother had a frightening vision of her child addicted to a terrible habit and reacted accordingly. She seems to have more than made her point by now. Belaboring it is, indeed, counterproductive as your story illustrates.
I agree that it is now time she should forgive you for your experimentation provided you never make the same mistake again. Even more importantly, she should listen to you as you describe the lesson learned — that smoking is awful and you now understand this in no uncertain terms.
YOUR OMISSION BROKE THE RULE
DR. WALLACE: I am 14 and have a friend named Naomi who is also 14. She is a good person, and I enjoy having her as a friend.
The problem is that my mom doesn't like her, so I'm forbidden to hang around with her anymore.
I think it's because her mom and my mom had a big argument and don't talk to each other anymore.
Last week, this friend called and wanted to go to the movies. I asked my mom whether I could go to an early movie with a girlfriend on Saturday night, and she said OK as long as I got home before 10:15 p.m. I was home before that time, but now I'm grounded for two weeks.
My mom had called another friend's mom to ask about a bake sale. She told my mom that her daughter and my other friends were at her house baking cookies for the bake sale after we had all returned from the movie.
When I got home, I got a grilled about which particular girls I went to the movies with. When I told her the names of all of the girls including Naomi, my mom went crazy. She grounded me for two weeks and said that if I continued to complain, she'd make it three weeks.
This is why I'm asking whether you agree with me that I didn't lie when I simply said I was with a friend who I did not specifically name. If so, maybe my mom will reduce my "sentence." — Guilt by association, via email
GUILT: True, you were out with a friend, but seeing as you were forbidden to be with this girl specifically, you indeed broke the rule your mother gave you. I enjoy helping teens, but I'm sorry that I cannot help you this time, as your omission was deceitful by its very nature and therefore wrong. As to why your mother and this other girl's mother are not seeing eye to eye, I don't have any way of knowing, nor do I know the reason why your rule was created in the first place. But I do know you broke that rule.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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