DR. WALLACE: I'm 20 and my fiance is 22. We plan to get married in five months. I care about Carlos a lot. About six months ago, his ex-girlfriend called and warned me that he had a horrible temper and had, on several occasions, struck her; once she even had to receive treatment at the emergency room. She said she didn't want me to find out the hard way that he was violent. She broke up with him because of his violence and would never go out with him again — ever!
Since Carlos never displayed any sort of violence toward me, I dismissed her call and thought she must simply have been jealous. Then last week I was supposed to meet Carlos at a restaurant for dinner, but I was 15 minutes late. When I got to the restaurant, he was visibly upset. He grabbed my wrist and told me that if I ever "stood him up" again, he'd break my neck. His grip on my wrist was so strong I couldn't move my fingers.
This action shook me up. I never expected it. I then told him I didn't feel like eating, and he said I'd better eat or he'd order for me and shove the food down my throat. I did order and I did eat because I was afraid of what he might do. When we left the restaurant, he swore at me and grabbed me by my hair and said that because he's a nice guy he wouldn't "punch my lights out."
I saw him the next day and he acted like nothing had happened. He was sweet and asked me questions about our upcoming wedding. What should I do? Please hurry with your response. — Nameless, Oakland, Calif.
NAMELESS: Heed his ex-girlfriend's warning and do not — DO NOT — marry this guy! If you do, your life will be a nightmare. Your fiance has a serious emotional flaw and needs professional help.
Do not allow him to sweet-talk you into believing that his outburst was a one-time thing. It will happen again, and again. Leave this guy immediately and don't look back!
YOU MUST TELL YOUR PARENTS
DR. WALLACE: I really need your advice. I'm a 17-year-old girl and for the past three years I've had bouts of depression. When I'm depressed, I don't like the way I look and I'm unhappy with my attitude. To avoid seeing people I stay in bed saying I have a headache.
My parents are not aware of my feelings. Sometimes this awful feeling lasts five or six days, then all of the sudden, it goes away. I exercise, eat right, get good grades and try to please my parents, friends, teachers and relatives. I'm tired of living this way, but I don't know what to do.
Do all people get depressed? Is there any way I can get depression to stay away? — Nameless, Washington, D.C.
NAMELESS: I think it's safe to say that we all get depressed at times, but most of our depressions are much less severe. You must tell your parents about your problem and encourage them to seek professional counseling for you. Severe depression is an illness and you must get proper treatment. Please contact me in a few weeks and let me know how things are progressing.
If for some reason your parents don't help you seek professional help, discuss your bouts of depression with your school counselor who will help you get necessary treatment.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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