DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and dating a guy from another high school who is 18. He is quite good-looking and a very good athlete. I'm told that a lot of girls at his high school are upset that he is dating a girl from a different school. I'm a cheerleader at my school and we met at a mutual friend's party.
I like this guy and we have much in common, but he does have one flaw that bothers me. When I do something he disapproves, he gets angry and says mean things to me. Last weekend I was chewing gum and I made it "pop" by accident. This made him angry and he said, "That's really rude to pop your gum; do it again and I'll pop your rear end with my foot." He threatens something violent when he doesn't like what I'm doing. I've heard him say, "Next time, I'll punch your lights out." "You need your tail kicked." "Do it again and I'll bash your brains out."
He has never hit me and I didn't think he ever would, but I'll now admit I don't really know for sure. I've asked him to be gentler with his words, but all he said was, "Don't tell me how to talk."
There are times when he is extremely nice and I really enjoy being with him. Other times when he "goes off" verbally, I become increasingly concerned. What do you recommend? — Nameless, Erie, Pa.
NAMELESS: I'm sure there are times when this guy is civil, but his big mouth overpowers the times when he actually does act like a nice guy. He is verbally over the edge. Threatening violence is a signal that, when his patience runs out, he will make good on some of those threats. Don't wait for this to happen. Don't waste any more time on him. He's simply not a keeper.
GET MARRIED FIRST!
DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and I have an awesome boyfriend who will soon be 18. I believe with all my heart, mind and soul that we will be married someday. We are both devout Christians and are determined to remain virgins until marriage, considering that is the way God intended this to be. We live by the Bible verse, "I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine." (Solomon 6:3).
I have a question regarding cohabitation before marriage. I really feel that living with someone is an excellent indication of what they are really like regarding things like work ethic, prayer life, etc. but I also realize that living with my boyfriend would bring great temptation. Still, I would like to establish somewhat of a home life with him before we are married. What are your thoughts? — Nameless, Charleston, S.C.
NAMELESS: When the time comes that you want to share your life with your boyfriend, get married. He will be the same awesome guy after the wedding vows that you love right now with your heart, mind and soul. Forget about living together before marriage.
Almost all couples that live together before their marriages have a sexual relationship. That's one of the main reasons they move in together. Don't put yourself in this position before you make your vows.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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