DR. WALLACE: I'm a 12-year-old boy and live alone with my mother. My father died several years ago. A boy who lives near me is always picking on me. He calls me names, hits me and has stolen things from me. My mother has told me that the time has come for me to stand up for myself if this bully bothers me again. I want to do that because even if he whips me, I'll get in a few good wallops.

My grandmother (dad's mom) says that fighting never solves anything and that I should pray for this boy. What do you think I should do? — Nameless, Hobart, Ind.

NAMELESS: I think the time has come to defend yourself. If this bully picks on you again, get in a few good wallops in retaliation and give him one for me — then pray for him.

I'm well aware that many parents will disagree with my "stand up for yourself" advice, but I'd say they had never been bullied as a young person. Those who had been bullied contact me and almost all say they were sorry they didn't "fight back."

Bullies have made life miserable for those who are harassed, punched, kicked and threatened. The great majority of bullies are cowards and bullying those who are smaller or weaker gives them a false sense of power. The bully hopes the victims continue to "turn the other cheek" because they will continue their power play.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I LOVE THIS GUY

DR. WALLACE: I'm 20 and engaged to be married soon to a guy I've been dating for over three years. He has many good qualities, but he also has one major flaw — he lies. Last month we went to a party and he told a bunch of people that his dad was a criminal lawyer. He should have left off the word "lawyer," because his dad is a criminal and is serving time for armed robbery.

He has told my parents and me that he has $20,000 in the bank, a gift from his grandmother, but when we ask to see a record of the deposit, he always seems to discover that he can't find it. Finally, I got up enough courage to ask his grandmother if she indeed gave Scott $20,000 and all she could do was laugh and say that Scott has a wild imagination.

I can't even count the number of times he has told lies to my friends. Last week he told my best friend that we had put $10,000 down on a new home. That is simply not true. We don't even have 10,000 dimes.

Believe it or not, I love this guy, but I'm disappointed that he lies so much. What should I do? I've talked to him, but he denies that he lies. I sometimes think he actually believes his own lies. — C.J. Columbus, Ohio.

C.J.: You already know what my answer is going to be. Maybe you just want to see it in writing so you can read it over and over, then do what has to be done.

Tell Scott goodbye. If he can't be honest with you, there's no way the two of you could build a trusting life together.

With a father in prison, he has an obvious motivation to try to embroider a few improvements on the situation he's been handed, but his lying is over the edge. He can't control it. More troubling still is his complete refusal to acknowledge he has a problem. Marrying Scott would be a huge mistake.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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