DR. WALLACE: I'm 18 and have been living with my grandmother for the past five years, since she's been my legal guardian ever since I lost both parents in a terrible accident.

I've had a steady boyfriend for the last year, and he wants me to move in with him this summer as he's taking over the apartment he and his roommate currently live in. He's currently 19 and will be 20 the first week of June.

He's been trying to sell me on the idea of moving in with him since his roommate will be starting a new job across the country at the end of May. Even describing him as "trying to sell me" on the idea is generous; sometimes it feels like he's badgering me to move in with him.

He's even said that nobody 18 should have to live with their stodgy old grandmother who doesn't understand today's modern world. Well, I truly love my grandmother, and I know she did a great job of raising me these last five under very difficult circumstances.

I truly care for and about my boyfriend, but I also really care for my grandmother, and I don't see the need to leave her home immediately just because I'm now 18. Why do some young people feel that older generations, especially our grandparents' generation, have little to offer since they supposedly "don't understand the modern world"? — One Lucky Granddaughter, via email

ONE LUCKY GRANDDAUGHTER: Well, not everyone has the mindset that your current boyfriend has, fortunately. Many people value the wisdom, logic, work ethic and love that older generation members often dole out freely to those that came after them.

My advice is to hold your ground and remain living with your grandmother as long as it is feasible and practical for each of you. I trust that may yet be the case for years to come, so make your own decisions and don't give in to pressure or cajoling.

Your current squeeze may remain of interest to you, but keep a sharp eye out for potentially manipulative behavior. He's already demonstrated himself to be a poor judge of character, so if other shortcomings start to reveal themselves, pay close attention to what may be revealed in the near-term future.

DID HE BREAK HIS PROMISE?

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 16-year-old girl, and I have an older brother who is 21. He still lives at home, and he works in our town.

My bedroom is very near to his. My brother had a habit of smoking in his room, especially at night. I've complained more than once to my parents, but even though they told him to smoke outside on the patio, he kept doing it, usually when he was on a long telephone call and didn't want to be cold outside.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, and I offered to do his weekend chores once a month in exchange for him to stop smoking. I said "smoking," but he later told me that I used the word "cigarettes" — which I did, but I definitely also used the word "smoking," as in, "stop smoking in your room and in the house."

So last weekend, I did his chores, and he took off with his buddies to have fun. I thought the trade was worth it until I smelled what I believed to be a skunk smell. I went to track it down, and when I noticed it was coming from his room, I opened his door, and to my surprise, my brother was smoking a marijuana blunt!

I scolded him and told him that he owed me a weekend of doing my chores since he broke the agreement we had. He told me that he only promised to stop smoking cigarettes in the house, not anything else. What's next, a cigar? I feel he's cheating me, but he says he's fully in the right on this issue. What do you think? — I Feel Cheated, via email

I FEEL CHEATED: I'm 100% in your camp on this issue. You would have known if he uttered the words "only cigarettes," but according to your recap of that discussion, he never said that.

I also feel he is trying to be disingenuous here. He knew that smoke bothered you and is unhealthy for you, and now he's trying to weasel out of the intention of your agreement. Feel free to show him your letter to me and my answer here. You can also let him know that doing your chores as repayment will nullify your need to notify your parents that he's been smoking marijuana in his room — next to their 16-year-old daughter who wants no part in breathing it.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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