DR. WALLACE: My fiance thinks that we should start going to couples therapy since we are now well on our way to getting married, but I don't see the point. He's the type who is always up for new ideas, and in this genre, I feel it's likely overkill for us. All of the times I've heard my friends talk about going through couples therapy, their stories indicated to me that they really needed it in a big way. Some of the stories I've heard have even made me wonder why therapy would be considered to be a better option than simply moving on from the relationship immediately.

In my own case, things are going quite well in our relationship. We don't have more arguments or fights than the average couple; in fact, I feel they are far fewer and more minor in scope than most. Not to mention, therapy sessions are not cheap, and with a wedding on the horizon, we need to save all of the money we can.

Do couples really need premarital counseling to enter into marriage successfully? — Not big on therapy, via email

NOT BIG ON THERAPY: As with most things in life, it depends. Different individuals and couples have various experiences and perspectives on this issue. It's not a bad thing at all to consider premarital therapy. However, it's absolutely not necessarily a prerequisite either.

Based on your letter, I'd advise you to have a deep, heart-to-heart talk with your fiance about why he feels it's a good idea. Get him to be specific and then discuss the subject matter with him in a nonjudgmental way. He may provide you new insights into your relationship, or on the other hand, he may simply be curious to see what premarital therapy is all about.

Once he gives you his logic, then you'll be in a position to either agree with him or stick to your original gut feeling. Consider his request sincerely. You can perhaps consider viewing this as an initial way to compromise with each other, and one way to compromise would be to agree to just one, cost-effective limited session to see where things go.

You plan to spend a lot of future time with this man, so work with him to find a path you can both agree upon. How a marriage starts is often how it goes forward from inception.

MY STEPMOM INTERROGATES ME

DR. WALLACE: I'm a young man who recently turned 16. Now I'm finally allowed to date. So far, I've done well in this department as I have a lot of good friends and acquaintances, so it's been pretty easy to be introduced to new potential dates.

I'm a good student. I don't try to sneak alcohol or drugs behind my parents' backs or anything at all like that. Basically, I'm a very responsible teenager, and my track record of personal behavior has always been pretty good.

My father is a pretty chill guy, and he does not ask me much about my dates or where I go, but my stepmother is another story! She always wants to know where I'm going, who I will be out with and so forth.

Most of that information I can understand being asked about and even appreciate because it's the stuff in advance of the date. I guess she can know who I'm seeing and where I'll be. That seems fair enough.

But what I don't like is her "after date" interrogations! When I come home from each date, she bounds right over to me to begin her grilling. Usually, my dad works late at his factory doing shift work, so she can ask me things like what did I do, how did it go, how did my date react to me and so forth. She practically asks me to explain how I spent each 15-minute segment of my time while I was out. This is not only getting old; it's starting to make me resent her butting into my personal life. Is there anything I can do to get her to calm down about this? — Constantly grilled, via email

CONSTANTLY GRILLED: First of all, it's important to keep your cool. For now, don't overreact to her constant barrage of questions. Just give her short, diplomatic answers.

Then seek to speak to your father about this. Explain what's going on and let him know that you are fine with telling her where you're going, who you will be with and how to reach you when you're out and so forth. But explain to your father that you'd like a bit of privacy and grace when you return home.

Perhaps you can suggest to your dad that your stepmother won't "grill" you the evening you come home, but that at breakfast the next morning, both of your parents can ask you a few questions about your prior evening if they wish. If her questions are to be asked in front of both your father and you, rather than just you alone, it's likely that she will tone down her questioning to a level you can better tolerate.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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