DR. WALLACE: My co-worker tries really hard to be good at her job and has great intentions, but she's constantly making mistakes and creating more work for everyone as a result. Although I get along really well with my co-worker and want the best for her, I couldn't stand the chaos that she was creating at work due to her poor way of handling things. So, I recently complained to my boss about her job performance, with particular emphasis on how her work productivity is impacting her co-workers (even beyond myself) and the business as a whole. I felt that the manager deserved to be brought up to speed on the situation since I know we can all do better once a few adjustments are made, hopefully in a timely manner.

As a result, my boss reviewed some of her recent work, and after doing so, decided to demote her to a lower-level position. My co-worker is devastated, and now I can't help but feel terribly guilty and sad over the hardship I've caused her by ratting her out. Did I do the wrong thing? — Now having second thoughts, via email

NOW HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS: You did not do the wrong thing. In fact, you acted as a responsible steward of your company. You are paid by your employer to produce efficient work output that is congruent with your company's goals, guidelines and mandates.

It was responsible to bring the situation you've described to your manager. This manager similarly took the time to evaluate the situation carefully and to make an appropriate decision on behalf of the company and its interests. The ultimate decision regarding the demotion was not yours; it was your manager's.

From here I can think of two quick ideas that may help you to feel better, and to also perhaps present an opportunity for this particular co-worker to achieve some level of positive growth. One option would be to invite her lunch off site one day and to make helpful, constructive suggestions that may both encourage her and provide her an avenue toward building up her skill.

The second would be to ask your manager what type of specific training this co-worker might benefit from, and then volunteer to assist her with said training if appropriate given your position and overall responsibilities within your job.

HE'S RELENTLESS WITH HIS PRESSURE

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and 1/2 now, so I'm considered to be a young lady these days instead of a girl. This is great, but there is one drawback I've been experiencing along with my ongoing physical and mental maturity.

This drawback involves my boyfriend of the past six months. He's a good guy, funny, handsome and reliable. However, for the past two months he has really been pushing me to become sexually active. It started first with some verbal innuendos, and then he moved beyond our usual kissing to heavier petting. I put a rather quick stop to that and explained to him why I felt uncomfortable, and so he did back down that particular evening.

However, now he's slowly pressuring me in various ways again! It seems like he has a one-track mind, and my train does not visit that station. Why is he persisting and what can I do about it? — Feeling pressured, via email

FEELING PRESSURED: Some guys get the message and respect it; others ignore and hope to wear down their dates until they achieve their ultimate goal.

To answer your question as to why he's persisting with this behavior, I feel he's subliminally indicating to you that being physical with you is far more important than making an emotional connection with you. He wants his way and is hoping you will eventually give in to his relentless overtures.

Your second question requested advice as to what you can do about this situation. I suggest that you have a weekend lunch with him one day and then go on a planned walk or short hike near the restaurant or shop you've eaten at. During this leisurely stroll, bring up this subject and let him know how much this bothers you. Explain clearly and confidently why you feel the way you do, and then ask him if he can respect your wishes without further pressuring you endlessly.

His answer — and subsequent behavior — will soon tell you what you need to know. Either he will get the message and back off or he will continue to try to manipulate you in perhaps a new and subtle way. From there, it's up to you to decide whether to continue dating him.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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