DR. WALLACE: My younger sister just got engaged, and although I want to be happy for her, I can't help but feel extremely envious. We are five years apart, and somehow, even though I'm older and have more life experience, she's had far more success with dating and has already found the guy that she wants to be with forever.

What makes it even more difficult is that he's really cute too, and I can't help but wish that I were in her shoes in this facet of life. The fact that I'm the older sibling by five years and her life is going so much better than mine is driving me crazy!

I'm supposed to be her maid of honor, but how in the world can I take on this major role in her wedding when internally I feel so torn up inside? — Struggling to Honor Her Situation, via email

STRUGGLING TO HONOR HER SITUATION: Think about if the roles here were reversed, and by this I'm not referring to your respective ages, but rather the timing of your weddings. You know in your heart that you would want your sister to be happy for you and supportive of you throughout the wedding planning process.

Your day will come, and your sister will be there for you when that happens. Keep your focus on helping her and learn all you can about the process she's going through. You'll have the opportunity to temporarily live vicariously through her experience, and this will make your own wedding planning (and wedding day) a better and more organized experience.

Run your own race here and be sure to make good decisions when it comes to your own personal life. Don't fall into the temptation to rush forward towards getting married yourself only as the means towards an end goal. Everyone develops over different time frames; everyone studies, exercises and interacts with others in their own unique way. Take this situation as an opportunity to look at the overall progress of your life and do an evaluation. Are you working toward the goals that are important to you? How do you rank career goals versus relationship goals? At what point in your life are you interested in starting a family, if at all?

By taking your own personal inventory, you'll keep your own life focused purely on what matters to you, irrespective of what time frames are unfolding for friends, family members or acquaintances. Think long and hard about your own life goals and then seek to be sure your actions are congruent with what is truly important to you in life.

MOM IS GREAT, BUT SHE DATES A LOT!

DR. WALLACE: I'm a girl who is 16 and I live with my mom and my little brother. My mom is great, but there is one thing that I'm having a problem with that concerns her.

Our parents have been divorced for a while, and this August it will be four full years. For the first few years after the divorce, my mom focused really hard on her job and on my brother and me. She's made sure we have everything we need, and I love her for that. She's frugal but she knows how to get quality items on sale, so my brother and I always look fine at school, and we can do most things other kids our age get to do, like field trips and outings with friends.

The thing that has me thrown off is that she's now dating, and by dating, I mean dating a lot! And she dates many different guys. Sometimes she will date two different guys in the same week! But I also should tell you that she is always home with us every night, and she does not ever have any of her dates stay over at our house. In fact, they are usually only here for a few minutes before they leave, and she makes it a point to introduce each guy to us and makes him talk with us kids for a few minutes.

Am I wrong to feel weird about this? I know my mom is an adult and should have a social life, but it just seems to me like it went from almost zero to a fast pace here recently. Oh, and I should add that I babysit my 11-year-old brother when she goes out, and she does give me a bit of extra allowance each week for that. — Daughter of a Busy Mom, via email

DAUGHTER OF A BUSY MOM: It sounds to me like you have a wonderful mother. It could be that she needed time to adjust after the divorce, and she rightfully put her entire focus on her two children, who by my math were about 12 and 7 at that time.

Now, nearly four years later, you're 16 and obviously old enough and mature enough to take care of yourself and your brother for a few hours when she goes out. To me this seems like a very logical progression of her social life. It appears she waited until you were old enough for her to feel confident about spending a little time each week "out of the nest."

She also is acting responsibly by being home with you each evening she goes out, and the three of you have your privacy each and every night, no matter who she's spent her social time with. In addition, she's likely observing how her dates interact with you and your brother, which is another good sign.

As to the variety of guys she dates, I'd guess that she's quite selective and is looking for just the right guy for her situation in a similar manner to the way she shops so effectively. I don't think you should feel funny about this at all. She appears to be acting responsibly and logically. If you're open to the idea, you might one weekend afternoon ask her what she looks for in a guy to see what she's willing to tell you. At least this may break the ice on this topic a bit, especially as you are entering the ages where your own dating days will commence soon as well.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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