DR. WALLACE: I'm 16. A couple of days ago, I was looking at my birth certificate and noticed something odd. I was born in August of 2002, and my parents were married in April of 2002. When I asked my mom if I was born prematurely, she said no. This being the case, my mom had to have been pregnant with me well before she married my father. Math is not my best subject in school, but even I could figure this one out.
My parents are now divorced, and I feel very bad that they might have gotten married just to make me legitimate. I often wonder what might have gone through their minds back in the early days of 2002 once my mom realized she was pregnant with me. Some nights when I'm alone in bed, I fret over this topic, and to be honest, it does not make me feel good about myself. — Concerned, Lake Charles, Louisiana
CONCERNED: You had no say in their decision to get married, and I'm positive you had nothing to do with their divorce. You are the innocent one, and trust me, you have no reason to feel even the slightest bit responsible for anything that has gone on between your parents. All babies are true, precious wonders and are 100 percent legitimate regardless of whether the parents were married or not at the time of conception or birth. Focus on the great personal gifts and traits you possess, and know that your life was destined to be. Make the most of it, be proud of yourself, be kind to others, and do all you can to maintain a good relationship with both your mother and your father. I can tell from your thoughtful letter that you are a deep and caring individual who has concerns for others and for your place in this world. May your journey in life be interesting, compassionate and exemplary and bring you personal satisfaction. You deserve to feel good about yourself.
IF HE ASKS, BE HONEST
DR. WALLACE: A guy and I dated for over a year. We really were a great couple. Then, my family moved to another state, and we were both very sad, but we decided to remain faithful to each other even though we now live 400 miles apart. We write regularly, and he calls me about once a week. We are both 16 and probably won't be able to see each other for a couple of years.
About a week ago, a girlfriend invited me to attend a youth conference at her church, and I decided to go. Now, I'm attending this church regularly. I'd never attended any church before. I've made a lot of new friends at the church, including a guy who has asked me to go out with him. I told him that I'd think about it, but I didn't tell him about my out-of-state guy.
Well, I have thought about it, and I would like to go out with him, but I still care about my distant guy. Please tell me what you think I should do. — Anonymous, Scottsbluff, Nebraska
ANONYMOUS: Call your out-of-state guy and tell him you care for him very much but you feel it would be better if you both dated other people. The plain fact is that two years is too long of a time between visits, especially for someone your age. You don't need to volunteer the fact that you've been asked out, but if he asks, be honest, and encourage him to do the same. Who knows where the two of you will be in a few years. If you're both still interested and available, it might be possible to reconnect. If one or both of you are happily enjoying a nice relationship at that time and you do not reconnect romantically, that's OK, too.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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