DR. WALLACE: I have a really unusual problem and I'm not sure how to handle it. I live with my father and his mother, who is my grandmother. I love them both very much, but sometimes I get confused as to whom I should listen to.

Sometimes my grandmother will tell me to do something and then my dad will say, "No, don't do that. Do this instead." This always makes my grandmother mad and then I'm caught in the middle. I've asked them several times to get things settled when it concerns me, but they never do and it causes disagreement.

When I got home from school yesterday, my grandmother told me to clean my room. When my dad got home and saw me cleaning my room he got mad and told me to start studying because I needed to prepare for a big test coming up. I started studying and then my grandmother got mad and said I should finish cleaning my room.

What should I do now? The house belongs to my grandmother. — Madison, Davenport, Iowa.

MADISON: One of the two adults in your life has to take responsibility and bring some rationality to this situation. I vote for Dad.

Speak to him alone and tell him how confused you are because of the contradictory instructions you're constantly given. Make sure he understands how disconcerting this is for you; and if he's not getting it, show him this letter. Ask him to talk the matter over with Grandmother and come up with a workable solution.

Meanwhile, next time you're caught in the middle, obey your father.

SHE'S A PEST, BUT COULD BE SAVING YOUR LIFE

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and my husband is 21. We started dating when I was 17. We both were good, law-abiding kids. We didn't do drugs or drink and we didn't have sex until after we were married.

My only vice is that I have been a smoker and continue to smoke. I've tried to quit, but I haven't succeeded. I smoke about a pack a day, but I try not to smoke in our house. Once in a while I forget and light up when I have a cup of tea. My husband doesn't like me to smoke and encourages me to quit, but he doesn't blow his mind when I light up.

My problem is his mother. She desperately wants me to quit smoking and every time she comes over (four or five times a week) she drives me crazy. She thinks I'm so hooked on cigarettes that I won't be able to quit if I get pregnant, and my husband and I are planning to have three children.

What can I do to convince my mother-in-law that I will quit smoking the instant I discover I'm going to be a mother? — Greta, Rhinelander, Wis.

GRETA: How about quitting right now? Nothing you can do short of that will convince anyone you will quit at a future date. Giving up an addiction requires determination and courage. Maybe you think you'll have more of the right stuff to quit when you're pregnant, but you won't. Your husband's mother might seem like a pest, but her message is life-saving.

Do you need an incentive? How about saving money? Tear up your last pack and begin putting aside all that money you now lavish on the tobacco companies. This money can be spent when your first bundle of joy arrives!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Carl Drougge