DR. WALLACE: I'm in the eighth grade and I'm pretty much a loner. I don't have any friends because we have only recently moved here and I'm really shy. I will be going to high school next year and I would like to be able to make some friends so I could be included in some of the activities in high school. I attended a youth group at my church before we moved here, but we have not started attending church here yet.

I don't have any brothers or sisters so I spend most of my time alone when I'm at home. I'm usually in my room doing homework, reading, listening to music, or watching T.V. My parents both work so we hardly see each other except at dinnertime. My dad is 12 years older than my mom and he's not interested in sports, so we never go to ballgames or spend a lot of time together.

How can I start to make friends with kids at school or in our neighborhood? I'm tired of always spending my time alone. I study a lot and I'm an excellent student, but I would rather have a few friends instead of being alone and getting straight A's in school. What can you suggest? — Nameless, Garden Grove, Calif.

NAMELESS: In most cases such as yours, the biggest obstacle that you need to overcome is usually your own view of yourself. You think of yourself as a loner so you act like one, even though it is making you miserable. Obviously you are much more than just the person who stays in his room most of the time reading, studying and watching TV. And this person is now screaming, "Let me out!"

Your notion that now is the time to make changes before you begin high school is exactly right. Now is the time to break some old habits. You already have the desire to change; now you need a strategy. The first thing you must do is to make a commitment to yourself that you will no longer isolate yourself in your room. You must tell yourself that now is the time to begin taking risks with other people and make some new friends. It can be done. You need not be a prisoner to your "loner" personality, and you can be the first to smile and say "Hello."

The new you should be someone who takes part in extracurricular activities. There's a club or organization available for almost every interest: music, art, debate, drama, chorus, speech, student government, athletics and more. I know this to be true because I am a former high school principal. So now, you need to really think about your interests and plan to join one or two of these activities that interest you. You also need to attend after-school or evening games or music or drama performances and be in the swing of your high school life!

Beyond just joining up, you should begin taking genuine interest in your fellow students. Smile and be the first to say "hello." Once you start, you'll find it easy to engage in conversation as often as possible. You're sure to start meeting people who share some of your interests. With a little effort you'll soon be turning them into friends.

Don't wait till fall to get involved in activities. You can also start attending a place of worship where you will immediately begin meeting new people and making friends.

When high school begins, you can make an appointment with your counselor and discuss your desire to adjust to your new school. You might show my response to the counselor and I'm sure he will also have some ideas to help you get started.

And always remember, that there's no need to compromise good grades for friendship. You can have both.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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