DR. WALLACE: I'm a high school junior, and I attended a party with my girlfriend last weekend. My girlfriend's older brother is a senior who plays on the same boys varsity basketball team that I play on.

Late in the evening, I noticed a few of the guys I know were drinking a few beers. A couple of people offered me one, but I declined, and my girlfriend didn't touch any alcohol either.

Somehow, a few days later, my parents mentioned to me that they heard through the community that there was underage drinking going on at the party I attended.

They asked me bluntly if my girlfriend's older brother was one of the guys who was drinking beer that night. I didn't want to lie, so I told my parents the truth: I saw him taking a few sips, but we left the party at that point, and neither my girlfriend nor I touched any alcohol at all.

My parents believe I didn't drink any alcohol, but because my girlfriend's older brother was drinking, they feel she could be a bad influence on me, and they want me to break up with her! I don't feel this is fair at all, because she can't be responsible for what her older brother does or does not do. At first, I thought my parents were kidding, but they brought it up a couple of times and want me to promise them that I'm not going to date her any longer. Do you, like me, feel this is unfair? — It Was Not Her Fault, via email

IT WAS NOT HER FAULT: I agree completely with the logic you've presented here. Your girlfriend did not participate in underage drinking, and she indeed is not responsible for her older brother's behavior in any way, shape or form.

The two of you also did the right thing by exiting the party at that point so that you were not putting yourselves in a "peer pressure" situation.

Do your best to stay calm and reason with your parents about this situation. If they don't relent within a reasonable period of time, perhaps a week, see if you can enlist other adults in your family, or adult friends, or even a teacher or counselor at your school who could perhaps intervene on your behalf and on behalf of your girlfriend.

Punishing one sibling for another sibling's misguided behavior is absolutely unfair. It not only impacts her but also punishes you unfairly. Your parents would do well to show some trust in each of the two of you, in my opinion.

THIS NEW STUDENT PUT ME INTO A TIMING DILEMMA

DR. WALLACE: A very diminutive and quiet girl transferred to our school at the beginning of the school year, and she sat next to me in one of our classes because this particular teacher wanted us to be seated in assigned seats alphabetically by our first names. The teacher told all of us in the class that she could remember our names much easier and quicker this way and that she preferred to have everyone sit in their assigned seats for the first half of the school year. After that, we were free to sit anywhere we liked.

This rather meek and quiet girl did actually ask me a couple of times about various homework assignments and where to find certain places on our high school campus. Underneath her very quiet demeanor, I noticed that she was a pretty bright and nice person, so I became friendly with her, especially early in the school year when we sat next to each other in class every day.

A couple of weeks ago she asked me if I could go with her to our local shopping mall because she needed to pick out a gift for her aunt for a special family occasion. She explained that in her culture, giving gifts to elders was highly valued, and an appropriate gift needed to be well thought out and carefully selected.

I told her that I could almost certainly go with her, and I asked her to let me know when the time got closer to when she needed to make that shopping trip. Yesterday she told me that she needed to go shopping next Wednesday afternoon, and unfortunately, I already had an outing planned with some other girlfriends!

When I asked this girl if we could adjust the day, she simply looked at me and said, "Please demonstrate friendship." She spoke only those three words, then calmly looked me in the eyes. I was so caught off guard that I kind of mumbled, "Oh, all right," before I even had time to think it through carefully.

This caused her to crack one of her very rare smiles, and she thanked me profusely. Now that I've had time to think about it, I'm wondering if I made the right decision here or if I could try to reason with her to get her to perhaps move our shopping trip to Thursday or over the weekend sometime. I'll miss an outing with some other friends to go on a hiking trip Wednesday afternoon if I end up going shopping that day. What do you think I should do now and why? — She Totally Caught Me Off Guard, via email

SHE TOTALLY CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD: I think you should keep your shopping trip commitment, even though you blurted out your answer quickly before you had a chance to think it through more carefully.

I say this based on the entirety of your letter, given the background as to how you met each other and how seemingly important it was to her for you to "demonstrate friendship" to her. I take it from your letter that she's never asked you for anything specific before in terms of taking up your time away from school, so stick with your commitment here. There will be other opportunities to go on hiking trips, but you can make a huge impression in this girl's life, as she's new to your school and obviously shy overall.

Sometimes in life, we find ourselves in special situations in which we can provide others with compassion and a shoulder to lean on, and they tend to occur randomly and not very often. My instincts tell me this may be one of those times for you. Go with your diminutive, shy friend, and provide her your best efforts to help her secure the perfect gift for her aunt. You know that mall very well, and she will benefit greatly from your support.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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