Last week we discussed the benefits of forming friendships first and taking care of yourself if you struggle with mental-health related issues and are attempting to enter the dating scene. Next, we will take a look at a second suggestion on this series topic, as articulated below.

No. 2: Process your past and take steps toward self-improvement

In most cases, recovering from mental health problems requires processing and coming to terms with one's past. While this might sound simple enough, it is far easier said than done, and often involves a great deal of time and personal investment. To arrive at a place of understanding one's past without carrying around any toxic judgments or internal animosity is no easy feat. Rather, it is a journey that commonly consists of forgiving oneself and others, reconciling with whatever has happened in the past and deciding to move forward without looking back. This work is often best accomplished in collaboration with a therapist and typically necessitates a great deal of self-reflection as well. Making time and space for this process is imperative, and during this phase it might be best to stay out of a relationship while working through what you've been through and taking actionable steps toward recovery.

While putting your dating life on pause may sound disappointing, this time actually presents a great opportunity to work on other areas of self-improvement in your life that will ultimately make entering into a relationship a more seamless process in the future. For example, you can use this time to address other "dealbreaker" behaviors that might be present in your life, such as poor hygiene, substance use, or lack of employment. This is not to say that everyone who has a mental health condition struggles in these areas, but general research shows that these factors are often considered to be among the major dealbreakers in relationships, and so it is important to make sure that these critical areas of your life and your health are being properly maintained.

In summary, do the personal work you need to do before you begin to actively search for a relationship. Continue to pursue therapy and mental health treatment and commit to working on self-improvement and self-growth. While you can't control the future, you can choose your daily behavior and attitude, and so I urge everyone, regardless of their situation, to pursue the things that will ultimately set themselves up for success in the long run.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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