DR. WALLACE: I'm a young lady of 18 who is a senior in high school. My parents are divorced, and I live with my mother. My mom works part time at a pretty good job and she's an excellent mother overall. She always takes care of my food and clothing needs, and she is a wonderful person overall.

During the pandemic, we of course spent a lot of time at home alone together. We managed the best we could and even grew closer to each other than we ever had been before.

However, now that things are opening back up and I'm a senior in high school, my social life is literally exploding! I have many friends of all types, and I'm dating and socializing a few nights a week plus most of the time on my weekends. I still get good grades, so my social life is not impacting any of my schoolwork.

My problem is that my mother feels a bit abandoned since she wants me to go on shopping trips and out to the movies with her more often than I'm able to do at this point in time. I feel a bit guilty about this, but I do make time to do certain things with her each week. It's just that I can't spend all of my social time only with my mother.

Do you have any suggestions on how I can gently explain all of this to her? — Busy daughter, via email

BUSY DAUGHTER: I think there are two things you can do in your situation that can hopefully help ease some of your mother's need to spend time with you and help to discuss things that are meaningful to each of your lives.

Do make it a priority to spend at least one afternoon or evening on a fun social outing with your mother each week. You can even schedule these several weeks in advance, so you can also schedule your social life around these appointments with your mom.

Next, sit down and tell her what a joy it has been to have her as your mother and to spend all of the time together that you have recently spent during the pandemic. Let her know that you value her inputs and opinions, and that you would like to discuss your social life with her regularly as well, if she's open to that idea. And by discussing your social life, I mean you talking to her about your friendships, your outings, your dating life and so forth, but only to the point and in the context that you're comfortable. By no means do you have to disclose everything that happens to you. Simply share with her those stories and events that you're comfortable discussing with her.

I feel this will help her to feel more connected to you on a regular basis. Also, take the time to ask her about how things are going for her and her social life and her work environment. You might be surprised at how much your mother may benefit by being able to bend your ear with some of her work stories from time to time. Being able to discuss matters with a trusted loved one is a fantastic stress-reduction technique, so do your best to be there for your mother in return in this manner.

I WORRY ABOUT MY UNBORN CHILD

DR. WALLACE: I just turned 20, and I have a wonderful husband who is 23. We were married just over a year ago, and now I found out that I'm pregnant! My baby is due this fall around Thanksgiving, and we are both overjoyed to start our family.

I do have a few worries since I did a little light drinking at our wedding and during our honeymoon as well. For the most part I don't consume much alcohol at all, and I know I shouldn't since I'm not 21 years old yet. But I'll be honest with you and let you know that I have had a few drinks here and there together with my husband. I can tell you for sure that I've never been drunk in those instances.

I'm a bit worried now for two reasons, the first being my alcohol consumption, as limited as it has been, and the fact that my husband has smoked marijuana in our house occasionally. I don't smoke, but I'm pretty sure I've breathed some of his secondhand smoke.

Have I put our baby at a high risk for complications? From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I have not consumed a single drop of alcohol. I also told my husband not to smoke pot in the house anymore, and in fact he has cut down his usage dramatically and he only smokes it outside when he does at all.

How can I best take care of my unborn child at this point? I'm terrified that I might have already done something that might have harmed him or her. — Mother to be, via email

MOTHER TO BE: Based only upon considering the details of your letter, I would feel that the chances that you harmed your child are likely very, very low.

However, do not take my word for it. Spend time instead talking openly and directly with your primary care doctor and let him or her know everything about your background. Trust me, medical professionals are nonjudgmental and will give you straightforward and honest answers to your questions. Lean on them for the professional advice you need to hear and be as open and honest as you can in doing so.

I commend you for being such a conscientious young lady who is putting a lot of current time and energy into seeking to protect her unborn child as much as possible. Our readers and I wish for you a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby boy or girl this fall.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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