DR. WALLACE: I'm a normal 14-year-old girl. I'm a B student, never get into any kind of trouble and attend Sunday school regularly. My parents were divorced when I was 6 years old and I have lived with my father ever since.

My mother remarried soon after the divorce and my father remarried a year ago to a lady who has two daughters close to my age. I never liked this lady when my father was dating her, and I like her even less now that she is my stepmother. She is a very religious person and believes that when she must discipline my two stepsisters and me that she should paddle us on the rear.

This woman's daughters are used to her corporal punishment, but I'm not! It really hurts, and it makes me despise her even more. When I talked to my dad about this he told me he doesn't agree with spanking as a form of punishment either. However, he says he won't interfere because my stepmother is in charge of discipline. My last three "swats on the rump" were delivered because my room didn't pass neatness inspection.

I would like to know what you think of spanking as a means of discipline. Are you in favor of it? If your answer is no, I'll present your answer to my stepmother. She reads your column regularly and likes it. — Nameless, Louisville, Ky.

NAMELESS: I am a staunch opponent of corporal punishment and think both parents are making a big mistake. This form of discipline is ineffective, sometimes escalates into outright physical abuse, and always engenders deep resentment.

In your case, it's definitely not going to work. Someone who first encounters this form of punishment in her early adolescence is bound to find it excruciating and humiliating. A loss of privileges is a more effective form of discipline and should be combined with positive reinforcement for good behavior.

Dad should take the paddle out of stepmother's hands.

Defying Mom Could Cause Family Rift

DR. WALLACE: I'm a regular reader of your column and I usually agree with your advice, but you really blew it on your response to Caroline in Atlanta. Her best friend was 17 and pregnant by her boyfriend. Some of her friends planned a baby shower for her and, of course, Caroline was invited. However, her mother would not allow her to go to the shower because she thought it was "tacky" for an unwed teen to be having a baby shower. You agreed with her mother and told her not to go to the shower.

Was your answer because you were afraid that Caroline might go out and get pregnant just so she could have a baby shower? That's ridiculous! Good friends do not desert good friends — regardless of the situation.

You should have told Caroline to go to the shower regardless of what her mother said, and then accept the punishment her mother would have dished out. Her mother is a very ignorant person who needs to brush up on her social skills. — Nameless, Seattle, Wash.

NAMELESS: You misconstrued my answer to Caroline. I would have allowed my 16-year-old daughter to attend a baby shower for her pregnant, unwed best friend. I'm not in agreement with Caroline's mother's decision.

However, I felt that Caroline needed to obey her mother's wishes. Defying Mom over this matter would have precipitated a serious family rift, which would not have helped anyone and might have made it difficult for Caroline to be supportive of her friend in other ways. The baby shower just didn't seem like an issue worth starting a fight with her mother over. I'm sure Caroline will be able to help her best friend in many other ways.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Ryan Dickey