DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend is in his first year at the University of Wisconsin at Madison. We have been dating for three years. We correspond mainly by letters. Lately, my mother has been opening his letters for me. I have no idea why she is doing this. I have given her no reason whatsoever to censor my mail.

When I asked her why she opened mail addressed to me, she got huffy and said that she was my mother and could do anything she wanted concerning me. Having her open my letters makes me feel violated. I now have my boyfriend's letters sent in care of my girlfriend who delivers them to me. This is a pain, but better than someone reading my mail before I do.

I think my mother was making a huge mistake when my mail was coming to my house. I'm sure that you will agree. Mom has stopped talking to me since I told her the letters are now sent to a friend's house. — Nameless, Milwaukee, Wisc.

NAMELESS: Teens need and deserve privacy, and wise parents will honor it unless it's abused. Young people grow to maturity when their rights are respected. This includes the right to open their personal mail!

A parent has no reason to snoop unless the teen's behavior is such that parental investigation is necessary for the teen's safety and welfare. Violating a teen's privacy just because, "I'm the mother," is a power trip and should stop. It will only damage a parent-teen relationship.

YOU WIN A FREE LUNCH

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 16-year-old girl who has an average IQ (I've been tested 3 times with the same result) but I study hard because I want to go to college. My 17-year-old brother is just the opposite. He has been in the honors program since elementary school. Studies are boring for him. He studies the minimum to maintain a B+/A- average. I maintain a B-/B average.

If things stay the same way after we both graduate from college, and you owned a company and needed a good employee, who would you hire, my brother or me?

My brother said that you are a smart man and would hire him because he has more potential because of his higher IQ. We have a lunch bet, and the loser pays. — Karla, Indianapolis, Ind.

KARLA: When I was coaching varsity basketball, if two players were competing for the same position and one had more talent, but the other had much more "grit," I'd start the one with the greatest amount of "grit." In fact, that happened several times during my coaching years, and I wasn't disappointed.

I guess your brother now feels that he made a mistake thinking that I was smart, but the bottom line is that you win a free lunch.

YOU ARE DRUG-FREE

DR. WALLACE: I'm 18 and plan to join the military after I graduate from high school in June. I've never taken drugs of any kind, but when I was 15, some of my friends and I were involved in sniffing aerosol sprays. Does this mean that I've done drugs? Sniffing was my only sin. — Pete, Brooklyn, N.Y.

PETE: Sniffing aerosol sprays is a dangerous habit, but you would not be considered to be an abuser of drugs because you were a sniffer three years ago.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.