DR. WALLACE: I'm known by my friends to be kind, generous and compassionate. My nature is always to try to help others first and then focus on my own needs, goals, or desires.

I generally have pretty good willpower and self-discipline, but lately I've noticed that I've overpromised some of my friends' favors. I haven't actually overpromised anyone individually, because I can definitely help each person with the specific nature of the assistance we discussed, but in aggregate, there are too many people to keep up with now.

How in the world am I possibly going to be able to extract myself from this mess I presently find myself in? I'm a busy college student with studies of my own. I'm using the available few minutes of my free time that I have to keep up with as many people as I can, but I'm definitely falling behind big time. — I've Made Too Many Commitments, via e-mail

I'VE MADE TOO MANY COMMITMENTS: I commend you for being the type of individual who wishes to help others within your circle of friends and acquaintances, but as you've learned, going too far can be counterproductive not only to you but to others as well.

You realize now that you're already too far behind, so instead of using every available second to try to assist the next person in line, take some time to slow yourself down, take a mental rest and seek to rejuvenate your energy. Once you've done that, divide everybody you've promised to help into two groups: those first that are your closest relationships, and others who are a little bit more distant from you, but that you want to help just the same nonetheless.

Immediately prioritize those closest to you and stack them in the order of the urgency in which they need your assistance. Methodically work through this group first and foremost. Also, put together a well-thought-out memo that you can send to each individual you wish to help, but that you don't have enough bandwidth to assist at this time (all those in the second group). I suggest that you remain brutally honest and openly tell them exactly why you can't help them at this moment. Explain that you're overcommitted and that you're going to do your best to work through everything you have in front of you and then come back around to assist them when you can do so. Encourage each individual to give you a brief two-minute phone call so that you can talk this over with them. During these calls, explain that you will absolutely not take on any more new commitments until you clear those that are in front of you and resume helping those you have made promises to.

This will no doubt be a humbling experience for you, but a lesson you need to learn. Hopefully, you can methodically work your way through all of your commitments, no matter how long it takes, and then from there be much more cautious and selective in volunteering your time. You must learn to leave yourself some discretionary time availability in the future.

MY AUNT'S RUCKUS MAKES STUDYING NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE

DR. WALLACE: I'm a senior in high school and I take my studies quite seriously. My mom's sister, our "long lost" aunt, showed up this week after having not seen us for over five years. Not only did she come by for a visit, but apparently, she's going to be staying here for a week or two. She's made herself right at home as she's pulling all kinds of foods out of the refrigerator at all hours of the day and she tends to be quite loud in the house. She also watches television with the sound up really loud, so it's difficult for me to study. I mentioned this to my mom, but my mom thought my complaints were trivial and that I should just go up to my room and close the door and study.

The problem is my aunt is staying in what used to be my brother's room, directly across the hall from me. He's away at college now, so she moved right into that room and she's in and out of it seemingly every 15 minutes. Am I being too sensitive or do you feel? Do I deserve a quiet place to study? — My Routine is Disrupted, via email

MY ROUTINE IS DISRUPTED: I think the answer likely lies between the two extremes you've presented. Your mother and your aunt do deserve some leeway, but you absolutely do as well. Try your best to study at home when you can and use some headphones if possible.

This would also be a good time to get your mother's permission in advance to visit the home of one of your friends after school and spend some time studying together there, if that's workable for you. A local public library might be another alternative, and perhaps you could catch a few hours there as well, provided you have adequate transportation.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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