DR. WALLACE: I've had the same boyfriend for quite a long time, and our conversations flowed smoothly. But lately, every time I get together with him, the conversations indicate an undertow, or perhaps frustration on his part.

Several times recently, he's made harsh comments, like, "you've already said that," or "you're talking too loudly," for example. And it's not just what he says, it's often his delivery or even the tone of his voice that seems to convey disdain. He was once a person I could have fun with, easy conversations with, but now it seems more like verbal combat every time we speak. Nothing major has occurred between us, and there was no outside event that triggered this, to my knowledge. What do you think this means, and what can I do about it? — Don't Like Verbal Combat, via email

DON'T LIKE VERBAL COMBAT: The best way to get to the bottom of a situation like this is to bring the subject matter up delicately and see what kind of reaction you get. But in doing so, be prepared for a potential escalation of the "verbal combat" you've described. If indeed something is bothering him or he's made a decision that has gone thus far unannounced to you, it may be revealed if you ask him more directly and bluntly what exactly is going on.

And if he's just being grumpy for some reason that doesn't directly involve you, this would allow him to pay attention to the way he's been speaking to you. If he doesn't intend to be condescending, he'll have every opportunity to let you know that as well.

As with most situations, it's best to seek resolution early and directly, rather than remaining in silence and hoping things will sort themselves out on their own.

IT'S ABSURD TO COMPARE ME TO HER

DR. WALLACE: My father recently created a new set of rules for me regarding my homework, and once I found out the reason for them, I was really surprised. Out of the blue, he told me that I have to work on my homework at our family's kitchen table for four hours every Saturday, and for two hours after dinner every night during the week! I'm a girl who has never been in any trouble, and I'm a solid "B" student. I do my homework, I complete all projects at school, and I get very decent grades. I've always been self-directed and handled my own study schedule without any interference from either of my parents, ever.

Apparently, my father was speaking with one of his coworkers, and this coworker explained the rules his daughter has regarding her studies. She's a senior at my high school, and I'm a sophomore. Once I got the last name of the family this girl came from, I was shocked! She's literally the valedictorian of our school, the best student who has ever attended our high school! She's brilliant and has a four-year scholarship already lined up to an extremely prestigious university on the East Coast.

I don't know what's going on with my father, but somehow, he thinks that if I am made to study in the same windows of time that this girl does, I'm going to suddenly and magically turn into a super "Mensa" student! What can I do about this? — The Comparison is Unfair, via email

THE COMPARISON IS UNFAIR: Perhaps you can tell your father that the girl in question is so brilliant that it won't matter much what hours of the day or night she studies, since she's one of the greatest students to ever attend your high school.

Tell your father that you will continue to do your best with your academics, but that you would truly appreciate the opportunity to continue your schedule the way you've done it in the past. Mention that if he would like, you could give him a summary of how many hours you're spending on your studies every week for his review, but that the flexibility to study on your own time would be greatly appreciated from your point of view. Conclude my reminding your beloved father of your very good academic track record for many years.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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