DR. WALLACE: I'm a grandmother and my granddaughter lives in a nearby city. All my other grandchildren are married, but this one is 28 years old, and she lives with her boyfriend of six months.

She sent me a birthday card recently and gave me her new address. In the card she told me that her boyfriend's birthday was exactly a month later than hers is. She was born on Feb. 20, and she pointed out that his birthday was March 20. She said she wanted me to have all the "current information available to me."

Now, I'm 85 years old and of course I like having her address so I can send her a birthday card in mid-February, which I'll definitely do. But I found it odd that she made a point of giving me his exact birthday, and it makes me feel like she's telling me to send him a gift in March as well.

I've never met this guy and I would not feel comfortable sending him a gift as to me that would make it appear that I condone their living arrangement, which I don't. Do I have to send him a birthday card with a similar gift included for him like I do on her birthday? — Her Grandmother, via email

HER GRANDMOTHER: You do not need to send him a card if you prefer not to. She is your granddaughter; he is a stranger to you at this point. If they were to marry at some point, you could adjust your thinking in this regard.

And even if they don't, I feel it's fair to at least meet him first and see how you feel about him. It could be that you enjoy his company and respect him and feel like recognizing one of his future birthdays, or even offering him a future holiday gift if you feel so inclined.

I say go at your own speed and don't feel pressured at all. She may or may not stay with him for the long haul and it's entirely reasonable for you to meet him first before you make any future "gift-giving" decisions.

'SNEAKY SARAH' HAS INVITED ME AGAIN

DR. WALLACE: I have a good friend at my high school that I'll refer to as "sneaky Sarah" (even though Sarah is not her real name.) She often does things and organizes events that many parents would not approve of, especially mine.

I did "sneak" out to one of her events over the Thanksgiving holiday break and I didn't get caught doing so. I understand she had some more very sneaky parties and outings that no parents knew of, because she swears everyone attending to secrecy.

Our family just wrapped up a trip over the break between Christmas and New Year's Day as we traveled to see our relatives out in sunny Southern California. But now we're back home and sneaky Sarah just told me about a big Valentine's Day event she's setting up that she really wants me to attend. She even wants me to bring one of my cousins, a guy, who lives about 40 miles away from our town.

Now I'm really feeling worried since I'd need to either lie to my parents or omit some details (like that there won't be any chaperones), and on top of this I'd need to get my cousin involved and swear him to secrecy as well.

I have a gut feeling this might all unravel on me and if it does, my father would not be amused. I know from family history what he'd do if he caught me deceiving him and my mother. My younger sister was grounded for 100 days last year and her "mistake" would be viewed as slightly less than I'd be doing here, so that's a big risk. How can I decide what to do here? I'm really worried about dragging my cousin into this matter. Word could get out in his family circles and come back to haunt me. — Nervous About This, via email

NERVOUS ABOUT THIS: You should be nervous about this! Stay away from sneaky Sarah and the trouble she's going to drag you into. The only way you should ever possibly consider attending this "event" is if you obtained advance permission from your mother and father.

And by permission, I'm talking about full disclosure here. If you know there will be no chaperones and perhaps alcohol present, you'd need to tell your parents that this would occur, but that you would never imbibe yourself. If you can't have this open discussion first to perhaps get permission to attend, then don't even dream of going behind your parents' backs and attending this clandestine event. And under no circumstances should you bring your cousin into this unless you both get the exact same type of advance permission for each of your parents, which I feel is quite unlikely.

Let sneaky Sarah do her thing without you and you'll steer clear of the consequences that some of her attendees are very likely to suffer in the near future.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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