DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and I live at home with my parents and my three younger siblings. I attend a junior college and I have a good part-time job in our area.

My parents are big on each child of theirs doing household chores. My mom really gets into it, and she posts a chart every week on our refrigerator that shows who must do each of the various chores each week.

Lately I have been able to get my little brother (he's 13) to do some of my chores for me if I pay him a few dollars out of my paycheck. He likes this because he gets his allowance plus the extra cash I give to him for helping me cover some of my chores. And by the way, since my siblings are 16, 13 and 11 they all get allowances each week, but I don't. The reason is that my parents told us a long time ago that our allowances would end on our 18th birthday but that we would get one nice last cash gift on that day.

So now my mother found out about me paying my brother to do some of my chores and she got mad! She says that I can't have anyone else do them because they are part of my responsibilities for being allowed to still live rent free in their home even though I'm legally an adult. What do you think about this? I think that if I want to spend some of my work money on my brother that I should be allowed to pay him. — The Big Sister, via email

THE BIG SISTER: I agree with your mother on this issue. If you had to move out and live on your own or with a roommate, you'd not only be spending most or all of your paycheck on rent and food, but you'd also be responsible for all of your own household chores.

I believe your mother is doing what she feels is best to prepare you for your future life out on your own. Respect her rules and do your own household chores. But see if there are other ways your younger siblings might be able to help you save time in your life and perhaps you can find a way to pay them something that will benefit all of you and garner your mother's approval as well.

WHAT GIVES? NOW I'M BEING PUNISHED?

DR. WALLACE: My parents always seem to have a lot of rules. They even set new ones for me, and when they become aware of new topics or areas, they can seek to control my behavior. I'm a male athlete and I like to hang out with my friends a lot after hard practices and especially our formal games against other schools. I'm still 16 but I'll turn 17 in February. Most of the time I break these rules unintentionally because it's hard not to, and fortunately in the past I haven't really gotten into any trouble for not following our family rules to the letter.

But suddenly, my parents are not cutting me any slack anymore at all! It seems that I'm now grounded all the time and my social life has evaporated overnight.

I've been racking my mind to think about what I've done differently recently than I have in the past, but I can't think of any single thing at all. I'm quite puzzled and it seems my parents don't want to explain much to me. They have only said that I've known the rules for a long time and even though I wasn't grounded previously, I am now.

What do you think has changed? Could my parents be going through some sort of midlife crisis or something? Maybe my father is stressed out by his busy job? I'm at a loss to understand why suddenly I'm the bad guy who must be grounded. — Grounded Athlete, via email

GROUNDED ATHLETE: I think you're overthinking things and reaching for implausible explanations when in fact the reason you're grounded is likely quite simple.

Your parents have run out of patience with your unwillingness to respect their rules. You've admitted that you regularly break these rules and then, since no immediate punishment followed, you're acting as if the rules don't exist at all.

You had plenty of time to adjust your behavior and you did nothing for quite some time. Now you're acting surprised that consequences are being doled out. That's like a driver who regularly drives 25 miles per hour over the speed limit every day for months being surprised to receive a speeding ticket. The way I see it, you deserve to serve your punishment and hopefully you'll learn from it. Follow the rules from here on and you'll be able to return to most of your prior social life — just not all of it in the manner you were previously used to.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: stevepb at Pixabay