DR. WALLACE: I'm 20 and a college student. I met a teaching assistant last year in one of my college classes and we got along so well that we started dating once that class was over. He's 24 and has the goal of becoming a college professor in the future.

I'm two years away from my degree and so since we've been dating over a year now, I do a bit of daydreaming about possibly marrying this guy someday since our relationship this past year has been smooth and easy. We get along great, he's smart and kind and we have common interests and hobbies too.

But a tough thing for me to swallow happened this past December. We were sitting together at a food court at our local mall and one of his female cousins saw him and came hustling up to our table. She didn't know me, but she immediately focused on him and told him that she had just found three great gifts for his daughter! Apparently, she had volunteered to help him with his holiday gift shopping, and she rightfully was excited to tell him all about her purchases.

He meekly thanked her and then he introduced her to me. I said hello to her and told her that the gifts she found sounded great. His cousin then chatted more with me about gifts, shopping, the holidays and so forth. She was very nice and friendly and before she left, she even told my boyfriend that I could have joined her to do the shopping, especially since she liked my style and personality!

He again gave a meek answer, something like, "Well, maybe next time." She then said her goodbyes and left. Once she was gone, I thought it was best to say nothing at all and just wait to see what he would say to me.

But then for two whole minutes he just sat there silently! I could have heard a pin drop next to us since he just stared straight ahead and said nothing at all.

Once I realized he was not going to speak, I finally said, "Is there anything else I should know about?" He told me his situation was complicated and that he was waiting for the right time to explain it all to me.

The next day I told this story to my best friend, and she advised me to leave this guy. I'm not sure how I feel overall yet, so I thought I would request your opinion. And by the way, I asked his cousin how old this little girl was, and she said 4! — I Sat in Stunned Silence, via email

I SAT IN STUNNED SILENCE: Only you can make important decisions about your personal life, but once you have new information that's important, you must do your best to factor that into your thinking as objectively as possible. Yes, you have emotional ties to this man, but do your best to separate your emotions and look at the deception he's engaged in.

He obviously has some relationship with his daughter since he bought gifts he plans to deliver to her. Keeping an issue like this from you for over a year goes well beyond "looking for the right time," in my opinion. This is a big red flag, and you must determine how this impacts your relationship. Trust has been damaged for sure.

Finally, you don't know anything at all about this girl's mother and what may or may not be going on in terms of their relationship. You have a lot to think about right now. Stay as objective as you can and ask him every question you can think of before you make your final decision. One additional thing to consider: Would you have withheld this information from him if your roles were reversed?

THE NEWS I RECEIVED WAS HORRIFIC

DR. WALLACE: I feel so lucky that I wanted to write to you to share my experience to perhaps help others. I'm a college student and I had been dating a guy for almost a year.

I could never put my finger on the exact reason why, but I always felt uncomfortable in the relationship and about this guy. I wasn't really that interested in him in the first place, but he was very persistent in asking me out and I eventually agreed. Months later we somehow drifted into becoming a couple.

He treated me reasonably well, but I always knew in the back of my mind something was wrong somewhere. Anyhow, since I live at home with my parents, and my father was transferred to a new position in his company in another state, I moved with my family and started taking college classes over 1,000 miles away from where I used to live. Needless to say, I had to break off my relationship and although it was a bit messy, this guy finally accepted it.

Less than six months later I heard from friends in my hometown that my ex was arrested for shooting another person during a drug deal only three miles from the home I used to live in! I was stunned to hear this horrible news but deep down also felt very lucky since I knew something wasn't right with this guy. The person he shot is in critical condition and might not survive.

Anyway, I'd like to encourage others to not stay in relationships that seem wrong simply out of laziness or a fear of moving on. Had I stayed back in my former hometown, who knows if I would have been caught up in his web of criminal behavior? — Lucky to Have Left, via email

LUCKY TO HAVE LEFT: I felt your message was compelling enough to bring to the attention of our readers. Anytime one feels something is truly wrong, this can be a warning sign that should not be ignored. Thank you for sharing your story and your experience.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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