DR. WALLACE: My husband of almost one year wants me to give him access to my cellphone, my ATM cards, my online bank accounts, my email and so forth. And by access, he's after passwords to each of these!

I'm not sure I want to give him all these permissions, but I don't want to create an issue in my new marriage either.

It's not that I have anything to hide on my phone or with my bank, but the whole idea of him rifling through my conversations on my phone and email makes my skin kind of crawl. Should I do this or take the chance that this will start a fight between us? — Skeptical New Wife, via email

SKEPTICAL NEW WIFE: No! His requests are unreasonable and out of bounds in my opinion. As you said, you've done nothing at all to cause him to distrust you, so this appears to me to be quite controlling behavior on his part. I therefore view his request as a red flag.

You mentioned that you did not want to create an issue in your new marriage, but you in fact are not the one who has created it! His request is the issue, not your quite correct concern about it.

Your cellphone, bank accounts, email and ATM cards are your private property, and his requests are out of bounds. It may be time to consider counseling so that a professional third party can explain to him why his requests are not only unwise, but detrimental to your union. If he values your relationship, he should be willing to attend a few counseling sessions in the spirit of the two of you working things out now. It's better to face issues like this head-on early in a marriage than to sweep them under the rug and ignore them because they always seem to have a way of rising up later.

I DON'T WANT MY MOM TO DATE

DR. WALLACE: My mom and dad got divorced about 8 months ago and lately she's been getting attention from other men. Some call and text her and now I'm thinking it's just a matter of time until she starts going out on dates with them.

My problem is that I don't want my mom to date! I don't want another man to come in between us because our relationship is great as it currently exists. Since my father bailed on us my mom and I have never been closer. We have this "us against the world" mentality that we both cherish and draw strength from.

So, in short, my mom and I are great together and I feel another person would just ruin everything we've built up to this point.

How can I convince my mom to not date any strange guys? — Worried Daughter, via email

WORRIED DAUGHTER: It is true that some children of divorced parents do not want their mothers to become involved with another man once their father leaves the marriage. This is often caused by worry due the unknown nature of a new relationship and how a mother's attention and affection may be eroded.

You should have a heart-to-heart conversation with your mother and let her know how you feel. Your mom can let you know where she is as far as dating is concerned, and during this conversation I trust that she will absolutely reassure you that she loves you and will continue to do all she can to help you in your life. Your mother deserves to be happy again at some point in her life when it comes to a romantic personal relationship, but that absolutely does not mean that she will love you any less in any way.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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