DR. WALLACE: I'm 17, and the guy I had been dating for the past six months had been pressuring me to take our relationship into the physically intimate realm for several weeks. Finally, he wore me down and I "went all the way" with him one evening. I guess I also wanted to experience it — sex — for myself, so I convinced myself that I was ready and that "everyone was doing it" so it was really no big deal.

Well, literally two minutes after our intimacy ended, I regretted going down the physical path with this guy. I actually summoned the courage to tell him that I wasn't ready, and he immediately got very mad and agitated and we broke up right then and there! Talk about a first time turning into a bad experience!

Anyhow, I am trying to forgive myself and move on with my life at this point. The way I look at it, what's done is done. At least I've had no pangs at all about wanting to get back together with him. I now feel as though he's the last guy on earth with whom I'd ever want to go out on a date.

My question for you is: How come I didn't feel this way before we had sex? Up to that point, our relationship felt roughly like the handful of other relationships I had had with a few boys since I turned 16 and was allowed to date. Looking back, I'm disappointed and saddened that I didn't see the warning signs that this guy was an insincere jerk at his core. Now my lifelong memory of my first intimate experience will always be a really lousy one that I'll likely never get over. — Deflated, Not Elated, via email

DEFLATED, NOT ELATED: Losing one's virginity is not a memorable positive experience for many young ladies, nor, surprisingly, for a fair number of young men — especially after the realization that a poor choice for a first partner was made.

Many young people of both genders report that their first sexual experience was awkward and anticlimactic.

The good news here is that you've realized you made a mistake and you feel that mistake deeply enough for it to have made a profound impact on you going forward. My suggestion is now to return to your former self, the one that dated platonically. You know now that giving in to pressure is unwise and a poor decision.

I trust you will soon forgive yourself. We all are human and make mistakes from time to time. It's how we learn from those mistakes and how we act going forward that is the most important thing. I feel you are already well on your way toward making good decisions for your life at this time. When you do meet the right person at the right point in your life, everything will change for the better and there will be no pressure involved at all.

MAKE YOUR OWN DECISION

DR. WALLACE: My mother put a lot of pressure on me growing up to be the perfect child and daughter. I did my very best back then, and now I'm at the age where I need to make decisions for myself. I'm still a teen, but since I'm over 18, I'm an adult as well.

I'm an only child, and since I have no siblings, my parents focus what seems to be all of their attention on me.

My parents have their own aspirations for me. My mom wants me to be a doctor, and my dad wants me to be an attorney. I don't want to disappoint either one of them. I haven't made up my mind what I want to do for a career, but I'm pretty sure I can't do both, so someone is going to be disappointed in me no matter which profession I might choose. What do you feel I should do? — Only Child, via email

ONLY CHILD: A parent's job is to love and support their teenager in good times as well as bad. A mother and father's unconditional love should last a lifetime and extend to all reputable choices their child makes.

Whatever you plan on being when you grow up, your parents' love and support should be there. Regardless of your choice, your parents should be 100% supportive of your decision.

The main person you must please when choosing a career is yourself. After all, you will be doing the work, and you will be responsible for both the rewards and drawbacks of the career you ultimately elect to pursue.

You mentioned disappointing one parent or the other, depending on which of the two choices you may make. I suggest you strongly consider making your own choice, even if it is one that neither one of your parents prefer. Simply do what you feel is best for your own career and mentality, now that you're an adult. Select a career path that you personally feel you will enjoy and find rewarding and interesting enough to potentially spend decades pursuing.

Although your parents have their own preferences for the choice you'll soon be making, I trust they will support your ultimate decision and love and support you no matter which path you choose.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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