DR. WALLACE: Last year, my grandmother arranged for me to take a DNA test because I was curious about my genetics. I'm 19 now, and my mom thought my dad was a man who currently lives and works in the next county over from us, a man who hasn't been a part of my life for many, many years. However, the DNA test proved that this particular man was not my father!

The DNA profile identified another person who lives near where we currently live. I sent that person a Facebook message that I might be related to him, and I also provided my birth data. My message was answered immediately, and I was put in touch with a man who my mother knew from their high school days.

I ended up meeting my father, but I didn't feel any special kind of connection to him. He currently has a family, including several other children, one as young as 6 years old. I've seen him only a few times.

Since I'm soon to head into my 20s and beyond, do you think I'll ever have a father-daughter relationship with him at some point? He was very cordial and did take a bit of an interest in me, but given each of our current circumstances, our meeting was a bit muted and bland. Don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting camping trips and vacations to Disney World at this point. It's just that I would like to spend some regular time with my biological father, much like almost every girl would like to. — Found my Father, via email

FOUND MY FATHER: Congratulations on meeting your birth father. You're a very lucky lady to be in a geographical area that is so close to his residence and get the opportunity to have at least a bit of a relationship to start with.

This relationship will take time because you've already matured into an adult and he has current family responsibilities. However, the good news is that you've made that connection. Do all you can to be a part of your father's life and those of your half brothers and sisters, without being pushy or too forward. You can volunteer to babysit at times, for example, if that might be needed.

Keep in touch, and let your father know that maintaining a good relationship with him is important to you. I trust he will continue to work with you to build upon the foundation you've only recently put in place. Give it time, and hold on loosely but affectionately and earnestly. I believe that over the coming years, your father will likely grow closer to you.

I HOPE YOUR PARENTS READ THIS

DR. WALLACE: Both my mom and dad smoke in the house, even though we've told them that secondhand smoke is dangerous. My parents think it's a scare tactic. They read your column regularly, so I feel you have the ability to get them to seriously think about the potential damage they might cause other family members via exposure to their secondhand smoke. Would you be willing to try to convince them? — Nonsmoking daughter, via email

NONSMOKING DAUGHTER: Over the years, I've read dozens of studies about smoking, secondhand smoke and the dangers it presents to the human body. Sadly, there's roughly twice as much tar and nicotine in sidestream smoke as there is in exhaled smoke. Sidestream smoke is smoke coming from the end of a lit cigarette, and it has a higher concentration of cancer-causing compounds than the smoke, which is actually exhaled by the smoker.

The human body can become addicted to cigarettes, much the same way that iron bits are drawn to a magnet. And yes, I have read several medical studies that have shown nonsmokers who breathe secondhand smoke and sidestream smoke have a much higher rate of lung cancer than nonsmokers who live in a smoke-free home and workplace.

I hope your parents take these scary but true elements of cigarette smoking seriously. In this day and age, many public buildings do not allow smoking inside at all. I suggest your parents seek to quit their smoking habits, but in lieu of that, they should at least smoke outside the home, preferably 25 feet away. I hope they read your question and my answer, to the benefit or your entire household.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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