DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for well over three years, and I have really believed for the past year that he was "the one" for me and that we would soon be spending our lives together in bliss. We're both 19, soon to be 20, and we attend the same college. We met back at our high school and were considered by several of our classmates to be one of the most likely couples to get married soon.

My guy is smart and great fun to be with, nice-looking and respectful to everyone he meets. He's an excellent student, and he has always treated me with respect. I love him with all of my heart! I'm devastated to find out that, while he did recently tell me that he has similar feelings of love for me, he does not view himself as the marrying type and he does not see himself settling down anytime soon — if ever!

This conversation occurred between us a month ago, and I just can't get it out of my head. He has since told me that he's happy enough to stay in our relationship but he does not want to lead me on into thinking a marriage would be imminent. I'll admit that I have put a few wedding magazines around my place, which he has seen when he comes over to hang out with my roommates and me. He's the type of person who is honest to a fault, and now I find myself on a side of his honesty that makes my stomach churn.

I was so shocked to think that he has no interest in ever marrying me, even if it were to be a year or two away. I've never felt more depressed in my whole life. It has been impossible to forget this conversation, and I've been spending all my time in my room trying to study, but my mind keeps wandering, and I can't turn it off. I can't seem to get involved in any school events, and I feel very sad all the time over this matter.

Yes, we still date and hang out, and I do my best to hide my disappointment from him. I'm so confused and sad inside. How long will these feelings last, and how can I get over this and get my life back in order? I don't want to lose him forever, but I feel so uncertain now about my future. — Shocked and Reeling, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma

SHOCKED AND REELING: You will recover from your broken dreams of an early marriage, but it will take some time. Time is the healer of all wounds, both physical and emotional.

I know it's hard to believe, but it's true, so try to stop dwelling on the negative news you gathered from your boyfriend's very forthright comments, and begin the process of deciding what this means to you and how you will choose to handle this new information.

First off, it's good for you that the two of you are still in a relationship and in good personal standing with each other. It's not as if this young man has told you that he is leaving you immediately to date another woman. However, what he is telling you, in no uncertain terms, is that he is nowhere near ready for marriage or for settling down. And at your present ages, that does not surprise me at all.

I suggest that you consider what is more important to you at this stage of your life as a 19-year-old: a solid relationship that can continue and evolve wherever it might go or a new relationship with a new young man that could potentially lead to a marriage in the near future.

It may be that you have been giving either overt or inadvertent signals to your boyfriend that you wish to be married to him — the sooner, the better. Whether or not that's the case, you have your answer, but remember it is an answer at this particular point in time.

You should now make a choice: stay with your present boyfriend with no expectations of marriage for a long while or seek out others who may be open to marrying you at a young age. I trust you are mature enough to make the right decision for yourself here. It's a very personal matter, and only you know, deep down, what is truly best for your future at this point. Think long and hard about this, and come to a decision you can be comfortable with.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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