DR. WALLACE: I'm 13 and so is my best friend. We have a lot of fun together, but lately she has been telling these unbelievable lies. She has told me at least four of them in the last couple of weeks. But the topper was yesterday when she said her grandma had won a million dollars in the lottery. When my mom called her mom to see if it was true, it really wasn't. When I told my friend that her mom told my mom that it wasn't true, she said she was just "fooling."
She has done this so many times that I finally told my mom that I didn't want to be her friend anymore. My mom told me that I should write to you to get your advice about this. What do you think I should do? — Nameless, Indianapolis, Ind.
NAMELESS: When people resort to telling whoppers like this, it's usually a sign of low self-esteem. They like to tell tall tales because it makes them feel important. She probably would feel very unhappy if you suddenly dropped her as a friend. You should simply have a chat with her and let her know that you are her friend, but that you want her to be real with you and stop telling lies that you know are not true.
She needs your friendship now more than ever. Dropping her as a friend will only compound her lack of self-esteem.
THEIR LOSS WAS GREATER THAN YOURS
DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and have a very difficult situation. I had a boyfriend, and we were going steady for over six months and we always had great times together. Josh and I even said we loved each other, and we thought we might marry when we were out of school.
My best friend Denise and I had known each other for over 10 years and were very close. We told each other everything except our deepest secrets. I had felt comfortable confiding in her about my dates with Josh and about what a great guy he was.
Then my grandmother died and our family went to New Orleans to attend the funeral and console my grandfather. We stayed a week and the day we returned Josh called and wanted to see me right away. I was happy that he wanted to see me right away because I thought he missed me.
We went out for a snack and I was shocked to hear that my boyfriend and my best friend were now a serious couple! I made him take me home immediately.
The horrible reality was that I now had lost my very best friend and my boyfriend all in the same moment!
The shock has worn off, but I'm now feeling not only hurt but also really mad and frustrated. It's not easy to lose your two best friends all at once, and I don't quite know how to handle this. I'd like your advice. — Devin, Boston, Mass.
DEVIN: That was a really tough piece of news to digest over a snack, especially after returning home from a funeral. I sympathize with you and certainly understand your anger. I advise against following through in anger or creating a scene or seeking revenge. Any of these actions would only aggravate your pain and make it worse.
Right now the hurt is still fresh and may seem like it will never go away, but rest assured, it will. Now is the time to plunge into as many activities as possible. Immerse yourself with family and friends and get involved in school, church or community activities such as volunteer work and meeting new friends. Above all, do not waste any time feeling sorry for yourself, or sitting home wondering what "they" are doing.
While you have lost two friends in one blow, those two have also suffered a loss — your friendship. And I would say their loss was the greater one.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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